15 December Puns

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42A807E2.C6174EC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4191B053.B1D8C7B6@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > "Zoogar, ruler of the Zerg" wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Keith E. wrote:
> > > > > > Wed, 21 Apr 2004 21:55:40 +0200 was a day just like any other,
> > > > > > until "Mel" <mel@atj.faq.com> wrote:
> > > > > >> On Tue, 20 Apr 2004 21:07:10 GMT, maelmill@eunet.at (Elisabeth
> > > M?ller)
> > > > > >>> Nothing pygthur see here.
> > > > > >>> Just move on.
> > > > > >> I hope you're not trying to get rid of me. I have my uses.
> > > > > > I think the Downs people already have a poster boy.
> > > > >
> > > > > that's lame.
> > > >
> > > > Laming: Legless Chinese vase.
> > > >
> > > > Liming: Green citris vase.
> > > >
> > > > Liming: Chalky vase.
> > >
> > > . . . contaning a slake!
> >
> > Staking, in the room! Your advisors want to meet with you!
> >
>
> What a cow does in a gold-rush: Steaks its claim.

A cow vampire slayer steaks vampires.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47A6C992.B178D24@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> Demerit: Demon that takes off points.
>
> Demise: Dead demon.
>
> Demolish: Demons that D-stroy buildings.
>
> Demote: A water barrier around a demon castle.
>
> Demote: Demon that reduces people in rank.

Good! Most members of the ran can file hoi poloi are far too rank already!

Some of them are very hoi indeed!

Rancour: Resentful smelly dog! (One you ain't thought of yet! )

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47A82DCA.51E9CB4F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:42A807E2.C6174EC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:4191B053.B1D8C7B6@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > "Zoogar, ruler of the Zerg" wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Keith E. wrote:
> > > > > > > Wed, 21 Apr 2004 21:55:40 +0200 was a day just like any other,
> > > > > > > until "Mel" <mel@atj.faq.com> wrote:
> > > > > > >> On Tue, 20 Apr 2004 21:07:10 GMT, maelmill@eunet.at
(Elisabeth
> > > > M?ller)
> > > > > > >>> Nothing pygthur see here.
> > > > > > >>> Just move on.
> > > > > > >> I hope you're not trying to get rid of me. I have my uses.
> > > > > > > I think the Downs people already have a poster boy.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > that's lame.
> > > > >
> > > > > Laming: Legless Chinese vase.
> > > > >
> > > > > Liming: Green citris vase.
> > > > >
> > > > > Liming: Chalky vase.
> > > >
> > > > . . . contaning a slake!
> > >
> > > Staking, in the room! Your advisors want to meet with you!
> > >
> >
> > What a cow does in a gold-rush: Steaks its claim.
>
> A cow vampire slayer steaks vampires.

Waiter: "How do you like your steak, sir."

Dracula pointing to his chest: "Anywhere but here thenk you!"

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47A81A57.A289BF00@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:42033E33.28B8F45B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:420091FB.A58DF784@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > news:41FDFC9A.207A7B8C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > Bull Pen: Jail for male cows.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Bull Pen: What male cows use to write with.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Cities: Teas drunk by sit down strikers.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Slutty: Tea drunk by prostitutes.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Smutty: Tea drunk by pornographic dogs.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > All dogs are pornographic. They do it anywhere they like!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Shitty: Staring-point in golf with a cow-pat all over it.
> > > > >
> > > > > Star Ring: Another name for the Stargate.
> > > > >
> > > > Still haven't found out why the native chief thought the chocolate
bar
> > > > tasted like bunny wee!
> > > >
> > > > And how come the Pharoah or whatever was surrounded by all those
> > > > scantily-clad kids? Was he related to Michael Jackson?
> > >
> > > What are the answers to those questions?
> > >
> > They are the statements of expanation which need to be made in reply to
> > them.
>
> Please supply those statements.

Noe! Supply dem yousewwfff!

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4317E9BC.FF87A3D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:41D908EF.E73E3117@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Sibilant: Singing ant.
> > >
> > > Sicken: Home of disease.
> > >
> > > Sicker: Ill dog.
> > >
> > > Signet: John Hancock of a net.
> > >
> > > Sinker: Evil dog.
> >
> > Hook, Lennon Sinker: Musical fishing tackle.
>
> Fish Tackle: Common in aquatic football games.

. . . and necessary for fish to mate.

In the submissionary position?

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4191B793.90D8967B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:41858C0C.6BC6911F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > On Fri, 20 Aug 2004 22:58:41 +0930, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > > > > <CorKa@optusnet.XCAPScom.au> found these unused words
floating
> about:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >David Reihmer quoted.......
> > > > > > >> In article
<Xns954B4D7C719A9rforschrcncom@199.184.165.239>,
> > > > > > >> Dr Tormento <reply@togroup.com> wrote:
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >>> "Jenni Saqua" <mara326@awol.com> wrote in
> > > > > > >>> news:412528b0$0$44241$d368eab@news.calweb.com:
> > > > > > >>>
> > > > > > >>>> "J. A. Mc." wrote...
> > > > > > >>>>> On Thu, 19 Aug "Nehmo Sergheyev"
> > > > > > >>>>> found these unused words floating about:
> > > > > > >>>>>
> > > > > > >>>>>> You could see Judge Thompson wasn't an even-handed
judge.
> He was
> > > > > > >>>>>> so hard on crime!
> > > > > > >>>>>
> > > > > > >>>>> Kept a bowl of his favourite fruit nearby ...
cumquats.
> > > > > > >>>>>
> > > > > > >>>> Bizarre. Isn't he the same judge that got so irate over
the
> current
> > > > > > >>>> Foster Farms commercials? He's now facing charges of
choking
> the
> > > > > > >>>> chicken/s...
> > > > > > >>>
> > > > > > >>> Don't ask him to bang the gavel...
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >> A former law professor once said of him: "He'll make a
great
> > > > > > >> magistrate 'r judge. I've seen the way he handles
motions in
> his
> > > > > > >> legal briefs and subpoenas, and will be a great asset to
the
> penal
> > > > > > >> system."
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > I'm accused of being a solicitor because I'm always court
> without my
> > > > briefs
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > Defending knickers ... ???
> > > > >
> > > > > Knickers: Basketball dogs.
> > > >
> > > > Bloomers: Azure seas.
> > >
> > > Groomers: Oceans getting married.
> > >
> > > Loomers: Oceans weaving.
> > >
> > > Roomers: To rent out an ocean.
> >
> > Blooming: Blue Chinese vase.
> >
> Bloomers: Flowery ladies' underwear.

Comer: An ocean in climax.

Hummer: An ocean SUV.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4283C0BF.59F3ECB8@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Stan Kegel wrote:
> >
> > > Diabetes: That baseball team has sworn they'll either diabetes. (Helen
> Hoke)
> >
> > That pun went right over my head and out of the park. Could you please
> > explain it to me?
>
> It's a choice between death or telecomms terminal blocks in BT or military
> jargon: Die or BTs!

Jargon: Jar Jar Binks has departed.

Qui-Gon: So has Qui.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42AC1D9B.EB8FA6B5@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:408BDBC0.B909C46E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Do they make Semtecks cigars?
> > > >
> > > > (If I spelled it right the bells would start ringing at the
CIA and
> > > > GCHQ/MI5!!)
> > >
> > > What's subversive about Semtecks cigars?
> > >
> >
> > All messy jizz are scanned by the so-called authorities for key
words to
do
> > with Dubya's trrrrrrrrrrssm and the ones containing same are
automatically
> > saved for investigation.
> >
> > So much for the A Fish Haul Squeak Writs Act!
> >
> > Explosive: Something that used to be a plosive!
>
> That should get the FBI's attention!
>
> FBI: Federal bee seeing organs.

Narr. It's a SPY with a bad lifp!

Piece of paper you take to the Fupermarket: Shopping Lifp.

Newton: 2,000 lb amphibian.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43F032BC.B85CC562@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:420EF454.17AE18C1@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > BP: Bee urine.
> > > >
> > > > CT: An antimatter drink.
> > > >
> > > > EB White: Albino bee on the Internet.
> > > >
> > > > Ebay: A water inlet where computers and robots fish, swim, and boat.
> > > >
> > > > EC: An ocean the Ebay branches off from.
> > > >
> > > > Columbus: Mass transit vehicle that drives around the world, and unto
> > > > the ocean blue.
> > > >
> > >
> > > Mass transit vehicle: Mobile Catholic Church.
> >
> > What would you think of a Mobile Chernobyl?
>
> (true)
> We've certainly got a potential one! Would you believe a train that carries
> nuclear waste through London and then on to Sellafied?!!
>
> And it travels on the North London Line about 500yds north of my home! Very
> spooky.
>
> If you happen to be on Camden Road station when it comes through and dare to
> photograph it, police jump off the train, arrest you and confiscate your
> camera!

They may fear that you are an Al-Qaida agent casing the train for a
terrorist
attack.

Try using a camera that's disguised as a phone or a pen.

> You even get arrested if you tell the idiot crew what you think of them!
>
> So much for this being a free country and nuclear reprocessing being
> perfectly safe and nothing to worry about.

France gets most of its electricity from nuclear power. How do they
dispose of the nuclear waste?

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4317F385.7EDAAE09@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > dustbird wrote:
> >
> > > > > ----- For this effort, my ex-boss assigned me tree puns. ---
> > > > > I would like help on TREE related puns >
> > >
> > > I benin many places. I sapele play soccer in Brazil. Was he
> ever
> > limba.
> > > And very poplar.
> > > I went to Princeton, and ramin to Einstein. Zebrano! I wanted
> to
> > > introduce him to my brothers and sisters, Myrtle, Burl, Bub, Inga.
> My
> > > brother said: "Butternut." But I was satin he wood love them. By
> gum,
> > he
> > > did. He said "Everything is relativity!" Elm his fan. The men's
> room
> > was in
> > > the basement. I had tupelo.
> > > I had back pain. Old war wound. Purpleheart. Heard of medicine
>
> > man. Flew
> > > to New Guinea. Herbal cure didn't work. I was teaked off, but I
> padauk
> > the
> > > shaman. Pain got desperate.
> > > Flew to Rome. Birch into Church. Met Father John and Sister
> Rose.
> > Got
> > > religion. Prima vera! Trod the narra path. Faux satine. Bought a
> > rosary.
> > > "What kind of wood is this cross made of?", I asked Father John.
> > "Rosewood,"
> > > he said. And she did. Sycamore! But my back hurt. She said I had
> to go
> > on a
> > > diet. We went to a healthfood restaurant. I ordered a low-calorie
> > cocobolo,
> > > and we goncalo alves. Lost some weight, back pain went away. I'm
> oak
> > now,
> > > still pecan away.
> >
> > Recently, my stepdad planted acorn patch.
> >
> > I O-Pine that we should get out of Iraq before more of our people
> get
> > shipped home in wood.
> >
> > I love the beech.
>
> Which beech is that? What's her name?

Beechnut: Crazy sand by the C where the C Hawks, C Lions, C Horses, and
C Weeds R.

 

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On 17 May 2004 09:17:04 -0500, "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I"
> <tonworthyCLOTHES@SexMagnet.com> wrote:
>
> >>>> We giants have to take of all you little people.
> >>>
> >>>Mayhap you won't have to take of us anymore once you've learned
proper
> >>>grammar.
> >>
> >>My gramma is proper I'll have you know!
> >
> >I heard she won't even talk to you unless you call her on a special
> >phone.
>
> My how she misses Thomas Alva. And his dog, too.

Thomas Alva Edison?

Edison: Son of the electric light.

 

200 days since August 1.

 

35 days to Easter.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43E98108.DA660167@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Emu: Sound of an Internet Cow.
> >
> > Emu: Internet subatomic particle.
> >
> > Ebay: Where computers swim.
> >
> > Icing: Downloaded Internet songs.
>
> FX: CRASHSHSH!!!!!!
>
> Vicar: (?) Gottenyu!!!! The church spire has fallen down.
>
> Cop: Good! We'll be able to catch all the fugitives in the area now because
> (all together now . .) there's no high ding place!!!

Vicar: That really makes me Cross!

 

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On 6 Feb 2004 18:46:37 -0800, artyw2@yahoo.com (artyw) found these
unused
> words floating about:
>
> >Palema <palema.04@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:<68SUb.1256$wt.454@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com>...
> >> At the White House: We want you to fillmore at home
> >
> >Dont Polk fun at our presidents.
>
> Carter explain?

If you can a Ford the time.

Did Nixon ever visit Dixon?

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47B8B3F0.D78BF292@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4317F385.7EDAAE09@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > dustbird wrote:
> > >
> > > > > > ----- For this effort, my ex-boss assigned me tree puns. ---
> > > > > > I would like help on TREE related puns >
> > > >
> > > > I benin many places. I sapele play soccer in Brazil. Was he
> > ever
> > > limba.
> > > > And very poplar.
> > > > I went to Princeton, and ramin to Einstein. Zebrano! I wanted
> > to
> > > > introduce him to my brothers and sisters, Myrtle, Burl, Bub, Inga.
> > My
> > > > brother said: "Butternut." But I was satin he wood love them. By
> > gum,
> > > he
> > > > did. He said "Everything is relativity!" Elm his fan. The men's
> > room
> > > was in
> > > > the basement. I had tupelo.
> > > > I had back pain. Old war wound. Purpleheart. Heard of medicine
> >
> > > man. Flew
> > > > to New Guinea. Herbal cure didn't work. I was teaked off, but I
> > padauk
> > > the
> > > > shaman. Pain got desperate.
> > > > Flew to Rome. Birch into Church. Met Father John and Sister
> > Rose.
> > > Got
> > > > religion. Prima vera! Trod the narra path. Faux satine. Bought a
> > > rosary.
> > > > "What kind of wood is this cross made of?", I asked Father John.
> > > "Rosewood,"
> > > > he said. And she did. Sycamore! But my back hurt. She said I had
> > to go
> > > on a
> > > > diet. We went to a healthfood restaurant. I ordered a low-calorie
> > > cocobolo,
> > > > and we goncalo alves. Lost some weight, back pain went away. I'm
> > oak
> > > now,
> > > > still pecan away.
> > >
> > > Recently, my stepdad planted acorn patch.
> > >
> > > I O-Pine that we should get out of Iraq before more of our people
> > get
> > > shipped home in wood.
> > >
> > > I love the beech.
> >
> > Which beech is that? What's her name?
>
> Beechnut: Crazy sand by the C where the C Hawks, C Lions, C Horses, and
> C Weeds R.

Very tasty, beechnuts. New Trish arse too. (That little blonde on alt.als b4
they all got sued!)

 

20 days since 02/04/08.

 

200 days to September 12.

 

165 days to 08/08/08.

 

255 days to Nopvember 6.