15 December Puns

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:45B9B41B.ECFE0DEC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:411C6790.E0D79567@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Ascend: To send a letter to Heaven.
> > >
> > > Descend: To send a letter to Hell.
> > >
> > > Promitory: A British Conservative glove at a student dance.
> >
> > oneschtook.com:
> >
> > Sorry, no dictionaries indexed in the selected category contain the
> word
> > Promitory.
> >
> > Perhaps you meant:
> > promissory (found in 16 dictionaries)
> > proditory (found in 5 dictionaries)
> > promitor (found in 1 dictionary)
> >
> > Proditory: A Conservative with an uncontrollable permanent erection.
> >
> > Promontory: A Conservative about to kill himself by throwing himself
> from
> > off of a rocky cliff jutting out into the sea because he's embarrassed
> about
> > having an uncontrollable permanent erection
>
> Promitor: In favor of a glove from Tor Books?
>
> Promitor: In favor of a mountain of gloves, or a summit.

Summit: You have to wear gloves over there to do arithmetic?

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41D90278.2F87A318@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Compress: Computer newspaper.
> >
> > Depress: Sad newspaper.
> >
> > Express: Failed paper.
> >
> > Oppress, Repress, and Suppress: Newspapers that follow the party line.
> >
> > Presley: Korean newspaper.
> >
> Elvish Presley: Musical Lord of the Rings newspaper.

Elfish: L-shaped sea animal eaten by elves and hobbits.

 

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On 17 May 2004 09:17:04 -0500, "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I"
> <tonworthyCLOTHES@SexMagnet.com> wrote:
>
> >>>> We giants have to take of all you little people.
> >>>
> >>>Mayhap you won't have to take of us anymore once you've learned proper
> >>>grammar.
> >>
> >>My gramma is proper I'll have you know!
> >
> >I heard she won't even talk to you unless you call her on a special
> >phone.
>
> My how she misses Thomas Alva. And his dog, too.

Thomas Alva Edison?

Edison: Son of the electric light.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4317E42D.6E7822C4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:42523F6A.E60030ED@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:424D0708.FF9D1E49@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > An alcoholic got so bad he started seeing huge arses sliding up
> > > > > and
> > > > > > down the
> > > > > > > curtains - then all of a sudden his condition D.T. rear rated!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Do you have any proof?
> > > > > >
> > > > > Nope. No no more.
> > > > >
> > > > > As I've mentioned before, in the EEC we've abandoned the Eric Sykes
> > > > > Scale
> > > > > and we measure it instead by Alcohol % by Volume - meaning that the
> > > > > more you
> > > > > drink, the louder you get.
> > > >
> > > > Demon Rum: Drunk demon.
> > > >
> > > > DUI: Demon who drives while drunk.
> > > >
> > > DOA: A KKK member's portal and how a KKK cop's black prisoners always
> arrive
> > > at the police station!
> >
> > DOE: Energetic demon.
>
> DOE: How you can end up if you make a baker angry when he's mixing the
> ingedients!

DOVA: Demon veterans affairs.

 

Biking: The king is gay!

Biking: Farewell to a king.

Biking: Lance Armstrong.

Bison: My son is gay!

Facing: Singing head.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4317DE1F.96294411@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Surreal: Knight who only eats freshwater fishes of the order
> Anguilliformes
> > > or Apodes, because he finds they increase his sex-drive. They're an
> > > Apodesiac.
> >
> > Surreel: Knight of Hollywood.
> >
> > > Sex drive: Lovers' Lane.
> >
> > Superman prefers Lois Lane.
>
> "Avenue Road!"
>
> "No thanks. The old one hasn't worn out yet."
>
> Underwear manufacturers prefer Petticoat Lane.
>
> Aircraft manufacturers prefer Hanger Lane.
>
> Ecologists prefer Green Lanes.
>
> Wrestling lawyers like Toady in 'Neighbours' prefer Front Head Chancery
> Lane!

I don't know how to top that.

 

415 (michael@iris.berkeley.edu_(Tom_Slone_[) wrote on 1986-09-25
09:08:02 PST:
>
>
> "Democracies do not spend a lot of money on arms, build large armies or
> invade or destabilize their neighbors."
> -- Ronald Reagan
>
> "Is he calling us undemocratic or what?"
> --Kilroy

Another Reaganism: "Trust, but verify". President Bush is violating
that Reaganism by opposing verification of a treaty to stop production
of fissile materials for nuclear weapons.

 

Fasting: A bell or bee during Ramadan.

 

Don Kirkman wrote:

> Law enforcement agencies in Southern California, in compliance with
> State law, have gathered together all the guns they confiscated during
> the past year because they had been used in crimes. Today, a local
> smelter is reducing 6,000 contraband guns to steel reinforcing bar
> stock; each year the steel produced is fed into a suitable construction
> project, and this year's output will eventually end up in the San
> Francisco Bay Area's Bay Bridge. On being told of this by a
> representative of the press, Dubya is reported to have said "Haven't I
> been tellin' you boys all along that we knew we were gonna find mass
> destruction of weapons?".

I have a better idea, one which would undermine the gun industry via
competition: Let the police sell those guns to qualified buyers (on a
list of those legally able to own guns), and incorporate the proceeds
into their budgets. Those who buy guns from the police would not have
to buy them from gun makers, thus undermining the gun makers!

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4692E403.DBAD983F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Polygon: The parrot is missing.
> >
> > Portent: Low income camper housing.
> >
> > Poorest: Low income sleepers.
> >
> > Poser: Polish knight.
> >
> > Posing: Polish singer.
> >
> Krakowiak: Dance performed by Tibetan oxen on a podlogger covered in smashed
> crockery!

Tibetan: The Dolly Lama in the sun.

 

nemo wrote:

> dobey the elf <dobeygjr@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:1103429597.827357.239620@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
> >
> > Abbey Normal wrote:
> > > "nemo" <nemo@newtylust.nit> wrote in message
> > > news:tm4xd.34601$Rf4.32812@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > >
> > > > Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > > > news:10s6aporsf9bt35@corp.supernews.com...
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> "dobey the elf" <dobeygjr@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > > >> news:1103298756.180279.50080@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com
> > > >> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >> >> nemo wrote:
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> > Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com>
> > > >> >> > wrote in message
> > > >> >> > news:l397c0pgrt4b547843q0s2q3ai7sr769mj@4ax.com...
> > > >> >> > > On 6 Jun 2004 15:53:04 -0700,
> > > >> >> > > tsbrueni@dcn.davis.ca.us (Tim
> > > >> > Bruening)
> > > >> >> > > wrote:
> > > >> >> > >
> > > >> >> > > >> I *am* the scorekeeper.
> > > >> >> > > >
> > > >> >> > > >What do you keep 20 of?
> > > >> >> > >
> > > >> >> > > Fingers and toes. Why?
> > > >> >> >
> > > >> >> > Not sheet music, or in the case of pop, shit music?
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> Sheet music: Played by the KKK band.
> > > >>
> > > >> Sheetmusic: Tunes to have sex by.
> > > >>
> > > >> > Sheetrock: music ghosts like!
> > > >>
> > > >> Sheetrock: Geographical formations birds use for a loo.
> > > >>
> > > > Sheet Trocken: Dry German whine with a very odd recipe!
> > > >
> > > >
> > > The liquor store down on the corner used to sell that whine, but
it
> > was
> > > overpriced. I always thought they were out to gypsum one.
> > I heard that store was all talc!
> >
> Talc: Mg3Si4O10(OH)2
>
> Gypsum: CaSO4?2H2O

Gypsum: The con man sure gypsum people tonight!

 

Serape: A large primate knight.

Sobering: Ring that cures drunkenness.

Soberness: Non drunk Scottish monster.

Soften: 10 Cushy people.

Soleness: One Scottish monster.

 

60 days since the 4th of July.

 

210 days since 02/05/08.

 

95 days to Pearl Harbor Day on December 7.

 

25 days since Nagasaki Day on August 8.

 

155 days since April Fools Day on April 1.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42D70FC8.B5BF2226@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:41119959.711538DA@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...>
> > > Inflamatory: Margaret Thatcher on fire.
> > >
> >
> > Good idea. Anyone got a match?!!!
> > We'll pour some petrol over her first. She looks like a dog so
it'll be
> > fitting that she shoulf go "Woof!!"
>
> Predatory: Thatcher the lion.
>
> Predictory: Thatcher the psychic.
>
> Prefatory: Before the manufacturing center gets built.
>
> Prepatory: Thatcher gets ready.
>
> Projectory: Thatcher the human cannon ball.

Ballet Sticks: What the dancers at Covent Garden beat her with when
she cut
their Government subsidy!

Subsidy: Underwater demon on welfare.

 

30 days to Sputnik Day on October 4.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:412D30D5.AE24063F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41265F37.AA78B6CE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 21:36:54 -0500, "Nellie Rumery"
> > > > > <slrnmr@adelphia.net> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > >> >>> No I prefer my men to ball my three to four times not
> bash.
> > > > > >> >>
> > > > > >> >>Is this in Norwegian, or what?
> > > > > >> >
> > > > > >> >You'd probably have understood Norwegian.
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >> I think we of rec.humor and atj should have an joint annual "Post
> > > Like
> > > > > >> Nellie Rumery Day." <g>
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Are you wanting to man bash also Larry that is ok i need no
> help.
> > > > > > Thanks for the offer.
> > > > >
> > > > > So we're already starting?
> > > >
> > > > Starting: Musical sun.
> > > >
> > > > Starting: Musical famous actor.
> > > >
> > > > Starting: First bell.
> > >
> > > Farting: Bell a long way away. Good thing too, coz it stinks!
> >
> > Shorting: Small bell on the beach.
>
> Flatulance: Weapon used by a knight who eats too many Heinz Beanz.

Companula: Flower that surfs the Internet and cooks.