15 December Puns

Discussion in 'Chatter' started by Tim Bruening, Dec 15, 2007.

  1. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    "J. A. Mc." wrote:

    > On Tue, 11 Nov 2003 04:38:52 GMT, Buffalo Chilkat
    > <mammal@watering.hole> found these unused words floating about:
    >
    > >On Mon, 10 Nov 2003 18:10:39 GMT, "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet>
    > >wrote:
    > >
    > >>
    > >>Kathy <tnktkachuk3@cogeco.ca> wrote in message
    > >>news:Nuyrb.149$Jk.5353@read2.cgocable.net...
    > >>>
    > >>> "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
    > >>> news:pxvrb.45812$Ou6.9790@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
    > >>> >
    > >>> > HANSTEIS <hansteis@aol.com> wrote in message
    > >>> > news:20031108164637.01237.00000400@mb-m11.aol.com...
    > >>> > > There's a new cop show that has an unusually high content of

    steamy
    > >>> > romances
    > >>> > > among the detectives--it's called Law and Ardor.
    > >>> > >
    > >>> > There's also another one about Thames Water's new sewerage

    police force.
    > >>> Loo
    > >>> > and Ordure! (^!^)
    > >>> >
    > >>> There is also a new cooking show called Lard and Ors d'Oeuvres.
    > >>>
    > >>Or the one with the Aussie cook who only does chitterlings and

    melts: The
    > >>Galloping Gooley!
    > >>

    > >
    > >That would give me the trots, I'm afraid.

    >
    > In the land of Oz, you either hop or crawl, never trot.


    Trot Ting: Chinese horse.
     
  2. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    nemo wrote:

    > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    > news:4157C106.17EBF416@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
    > >
    > >
    > > nemo wrote:
    > >
    > > > Blues Buoy <ashishgandre@gmail.com> wrote in message
    > > > news:13697ebc.0407052121.6c436a41@posting.google.com...
    > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    > > > news:<40E9104B.F4F18F98@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
    > > > > > Bob Crowley wrote:
    > > > > >
    > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    > > > news:<40DEC5AA.DA71EA39@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
    > > > > > > > Concave: Against spelunking.
    > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > Content: Against camping.
    > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > Contrail: Against hiking.
    > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > Contour: Against French bicycle races.
    > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > Produce: A supporter of Italian dictator Mussolini.
    > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > Protect: Favoring innovation.
    > > > > > >
    > > > > > >
    > > > > > > bicycle - use twice only
    > > > > > >
    > > > > > > bipolar - compass with north and south
    > > > > > >
    > > > > > > binary - 2 canaries
    > > > > > >
    > > > > > > bimetallic - very heavy metal band
    > > > > >
    > > > > > Biplane: Bisexual flying machine.
    > > > >
    > > > > Antimony - Frugalist
    > > > >
    > > > Beryllium: Interring a guy called Liam.
    > > >
    > > > Barium: Interring anybody's body!
    > > >
    > > > Potassium: Favored by stoned donkeys.
    > > >
    > > > Aluminium: Tasty curried potatoes prepared by Minerva.

    > >
    > > Helium: Gas that cures.
    > >
    > > Curium: A transuranic element that cures.

    >
    > C?sium: Element that grabs hold of yer!
    >
    > So many elements to choose from, my Cuprum-eth over!


    Hydrogen: Gas that gives out greetings.
     
  3. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    Kathy wrote:

    > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    > news:40580DF3.365F5A3A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
    > > Ebola: A nasty computer virus.
    > >
    > > Ebola: When computers bowl.
    > >
    > > Emote: A water barrier around a castile that feels your pain.
    > >
    > > Emote: A very small computer.
    > >
    > > Emotion: Electronic travel.
    > >
    > > Emotion: Very moving feelings.

    >
    > Elapse: Computer hang.
    >
    > Essential: Erotic pc.
    >
    > Event: Computer fan.
    >
    > Evasive: Old pc used to display flowers.
    >
    > Rambunctious: A memory stick displaying difficult behaviour.


    Rambunctious: Male sheep displaying difficult behavior.

    Difficult: Religious sect that's hard to get into.
     
  4. nemo

    nemo Guest

    "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    news:48FFF674.95FA33B4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
    >
    > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
    >
    > > On Tue, 11 Nov 2003 04:38:52 GMT, Buffalo Chilkat
    > > <mammal@watering.hole> found these unused words floating about:
    > >
    > > >On Mon, 10 Nov 2003 18:10:39 GMT, "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet>
    > > >wrote:
    > > >
    > > >>
    > > >>Kathy <tnktkachuk3@cogeco.ca> wrote in message
    > > >>news:Nuyrb.149$Jk.5353@read2.cgocable.net...
    > > >>>
    > > >>> "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
    > > >>> news:pxvrb.45812$Ou6.9790@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
    > > >>> >
    > > >>> > HANSTEIS <hansteis@aol.com> wrote in message
    > > >>> > news:20031108164637.01237.00000400@mb-m11.aol.com...
    > > >>> > > There's a new cop show that has an unusually high content of

    > steamy
    > > >>> > romances
    > > >>> > > among the detectives--it's called Law and Ardor.
    > > >>> > >
    > > >>> > There's also another one about Thames Water's new sewerage

    > police force.
    > > >>> Loo
    > > >>> > and Ordure! (^!^)
    > > >>> >
    > > >>> There is also a new cooking show called Lard and Ors d'Oeuvres.
    > > >>>
    > > >>Or the one with the Aussie cook who only does chitterlings and

    > melts: The
    > > >>Galloping Gooley!
    > > >>
    > > >
    > > >That would give me the trots, I'm afraid.

    > >
    > > In the land of Oz, you either hop or crawl, never trot.

    >
    > Trot Ting: Chinese horse.


    "Any more pferd please?": Uttered by the conductor of a German bus for
    horses.
     
  5. nemo

    nemo Guest

    "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    news:48FFF6FB.9EB91E39@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
    >
    > nemo wrote:
    >
    > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    > > news:4157C106.17EBF416@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > nemo wrote:
    > > >
    > > > > Blues Buoy <ashishgandre@gmail.com> wrote in message
    > > > > news:13697ebc.0407052121.6c436a41@posting.google.com...
    > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    > > > > news:<40E9104B.F4F18F98@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
    > > > > > > Bob Crowley wrote:
    > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    > > > > news:<40DEC5AA.DA71EA39@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
    > > > > > > > > Concave: Against spelunking.
    > > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > > Content: Against camping.
    > > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > > Contrail: Against hiking.
    > > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > > Contour: Against French bicycle races.
    > > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > > Produce: A supporter of Italian dictator Mussolini.
    > > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > > Protect: Favoring innovation.
    > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > bicycle - use twice only
    > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > bipolar - compass with north and south
    > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > binary - 2 canaries
    > > > > > > >
    > > > > > > > bimetallic - very heavy metal band
    > > > > > >
    > > > > > > Biplane: Bisexual flying machine.
    > > > > >
    > > > > > Antimony - Frugalist
    > > > > >
    > > > > Beryllium: Interring a guy called Liam.
    > > > >
    > > > > Barium: Interring anybody's body!
    > > > >
    > > > > Potassium: Favored by stoned donkeys.
    > > > >
    > > > > Aluminium: Tasty curried potatoes prepared by Minerva.
    > > >
    > > > Helium: Gas that cures.
    > > >
    > > > Curium: A transuranic element that cures.

    > >
    > > C?sium: Element that grabs hold of yer!
    > >
    > > So many elements to choose from, my Cuprum-eth over!

    >
    > Hydrogen: Gas that gives out greetings.


    Nitrogen: Gas that gives out information after dark.

    http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oed/gen?view=uk
     
  6. nemo

    nemo Guest

    "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    news:48FFF5C4.2AE2A262@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
    >
    >
    > nemo wrote:
    >
    > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    > > news:457E800D.27A41816@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > nemo wrote:
    > > >
    > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    > > > > news:439939BF.203F6D97@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
    > > > > > Paralyze: Two fibs.
    > > > > >
    > > > > > Parboil: Golf course at 212 F, or 100 C.
    > > > > >
    > > > > > Parcel: Jail on the golf course.
    > > > > >
    > > > > > Pardon: Mafia boss on the golf course.
    > > > > >
    > > > > > Paring: Ring or music on the golf course.
    > > > >
    > > > > Faring: Bicycle bell on a motorbike.
    > > >
    > > > Categori Cal: Man good at sorting.
    > > >

    > >
    > > Me this time last year when I did three weeks as a 'Christmas Casual'
    > > sorting letters for Royal Mail.
    > >
    > > Trouble was, the terrible upper back-pain I was suffering that moved

    around
    > > to the front sometimes turned out to be Angina! - so now I got one of

    those
    > > nitro-glycerine sprays that gives you a headache. They're well on the

    way to
    > > sorting it out though.
    > >
    > > I've just had a nuclear scan. (I don't think they found any WMDs) and

    after
    > > a short stent in hospital it'll soon be fixed.

    >
    > Did they find any Polonium 210 from that radioactive spy?


    Dunno about that but the Stressed Nuclear Confusion Scan at the Heart
    Hospital - again one of the finest in the world and to us it's free - showed
    my coronary arteries were perfect, so the pain had to be Oesophageal Spasm.
    (Gullet cramp) Quite a relief. Just as painful but harmless. The same GTN
    spray alleviates it though. It just takes a few minutes rather than working
    instantly. I still carry one.

    Polonium 210?? Isn't that what they use to poison useless upper-class-twits
    who spend their time galloping around on horses trying to hit a little ball
    with dirty great long wooden mallets?
     
  7. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    185 days to April 30.
     
  8. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    50 days since September 7.
     
  9. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    45 days to December 11.
     
  10. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    350 days since November 12.
     
  11. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    320 days since Poinsettia Day on December 12.
     
  12. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    280 days to August 3.
     
  13. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    30 days since September 27.
     
  14. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    225 days since March 16.
     
  15. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    250 days since February 20.
     
  16. nemo

    nemo Guest

    "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    news:48E21E26.E76989EE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
    >
    >
    > "Douglas D. Anderson" wrote:
    >
    > > nemo wrote:
    > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
    > > > news:442F3F48.D9EEB15D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
    > > >
    > > >>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
    > > >>
    > > >>
    > > >>>On Sat, 08 May 2004 03:36:25 +0100, Dougal

    <bigron@klanmeetings.co.uk>
    > > >>>wrote:
    > > >>>
    > > >>>
    > > >>>>>>>>>I didn't want you to feel alone and abandoned.
    > > >>>>>>>>
    > > >>>>>>>>I'm not one of your cars Greg.
    > > >>>>>>>
    > > >>>>>>>Oh no no no, those cars aren't abandoned; they're *restin'*!
    > > >>>>>>>Greg
    > > >>>>>>>pinin' for the Fords
    > > >>>>>>
    > > >>>>>>Gerald and Betty?
    > > >>>>>
    > > >>>>>Model A and T.
    > > >>>>
    > > >>>>You can only get that in black.
    > > >>>
    > > >>>When asked what colors the Model T would be available in Henry Ford
    > > >>>said "The Customer Can Have Any Color He Wants So Long As It's

    Black".
    > > >>
    > > >>Afroamerican cars?
    > > >>
    > > >
    > > > What's a froam? Hyphen needed there I think. It had one when the word

    was
    > > > first coined!
    > > >
    > > > Darpht langwidjje, Enginche!
    > > >
    > > >

    > > How different things would be if Harold had defeated William...
    > > Isn't it time England got even and invaded Normandy?

    >
    > Normandy: French demon.
    >
    > Didn't England do just that on June 6, 1944?


    Yers Richard Todd and Richard Burton a bully assisted by John Wayne, Robert
    Mitcham etc.

    In the film The Longest Day, have you noticed in scene one how still the Ike
    lookalike actor holds his face dead still. I wonder if he was having trouble
    holding Ike's slightly slanted smile.

    Overall, he did a good job though.
     
  17. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    270 days since Ash Wednesday on February 6.
     
  18. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    55 days since September 8.
     
  19. Tim Bruening

    Tim Bruening Guest

    155 days to April 6.
     

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