Advent Puns

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42C49417.6FEE4057@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> >
> > > College of Marine Biology - schools of fish!
> >
> > Who are taught in subclasses.
>
> College of Marine Biology: Where they cut open maritime soldiers and
examine
> them to see if they've got guts. Fortunately, they usually find that
they
> have plenty! - especially British ones!

What times are ragtime and maritime?

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42C4F4B3.9FCF04EE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Kathy wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:a69c46fe.0406061631.63197855@posting.google.com...
> > > > "Michael Balarama" <mbalar@ev1.net> wrote in message
> > > news:<10c405f2h12r45b@corp.supernews.com>...
> > > > > was sent this:
> > > > > A farmer had a cow, Bessie. She was difficult, kicking over the
milk
> > > > > pail and refusing to come in at night. Well, Bessie got
pregnant.
> After
> > > > > she gave birth, she changed. "Bessie's really mellowed out,"
the
> > > > > farmer told his wife. "What do you think happened?" "That's
easy,"
> she
> > > > > replied. "Don't you know, Bessie's been decalf-inated!"
> > > >
> > > > How cheesy.
> > >
> > > Udder nonsense.
> >
> > Emu: Winged cow on the Internet.
>
> Dough-dough: Flightless bird with two quid!
>
> Kiwi: Lock urine.

Roopy: Kangaroo piss.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4029EF17.C920269D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > CT: Ocean of antimatter.
> >
> CP: Leaky ocean.

CD: Ocean of electronic storage devices.

Stockholm: Home on the range.

Woodstock: Shares of a timber company, or wooden farm animals.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4129B583.66327FD6@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Turtle keeper: Terry Pinn
> >
> > Mermaid Barbie: Dolphin
> >
> > I have never driven down the TernPike, but I have seen Hair-ons,
> > C-Gulls, E-Gulls, Doll Fin fish, and Tuna.
>
> Doll Fins ain't fish. They're seat Asians!
>
> Yer 4got L.E. Fants, C. Lions, B. Feeters, D. Mons and E. Baa Gooms
(Online
> Lankyshire sheep with no teeth.)

How about L Fish and L Lephants?

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44B20DD5.1EFD8DF6@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Faster: Quickly rotating object.
> >
> > Fester: Spinning rot.
> >
> > Jester: Spinning comedian.
> >
> > Kister: Spinning rear end.
> >
> > Master: Spinning boss.
> >
> It's also Icelandic for madman!

Iceland Dick: Frozen penis.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44B207A0.42BEC509@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > O J wrote:
> >
> > > On Mon, 19 Apr, nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > >
> > > >O J <OJTB@pacbell.net> wrote in message
> > > >news:kan78018ghr9esvqehgh5kp7h60p1odbeb@4ax.com...
> > > >> On Mon, 19 Apr, Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> ---------------------<snip>----------------------
> > > >>
> > > >> Whats going on here? Do they only let you out once a weak?
> > > >
> > > >"What's going on here?": Question about dressing rooms.
> > > >
> > >
> > > What do they call them in Rightpondia, undressing rooms?
> >
> > What do they call them in Middlepondia, Leftpondia, Uppondia,
> > Downpondia, Nearpondia, and Farpondia?
> >
> Duckpondia?

Drug that turns you into a duck: Quack Cocaine.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44B20C54.F6C414B5@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:42C49417.6FEE4057@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > College of Marine Biology - schools of fish!
> > > >
> > > > Who are taught in subclasses.
> > >
> > > College of Marine Biology: Where they cut open maritime soldiers and
> > examine
> > > them to see if they've got guts. Fortunately, they usually find that
> > they
> > > have plenty! - especially British ones!
> >
> > What time is ragtime and maritime?
> >
>
> Before more hygenic devices were invented, ragtime used to be once a month
> for a lady! YUK!

Hygen-Nick: Clean man.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41823108.972DA667@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Michael Balarama wrote:
> >
> > > Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
> > >
> > > A. He had no body to dance with.
> >
> > What do ghosts eat for dinner?
> >
> > Spook-etti and Goullash.
> >
> Or chickn if they're poultrygeists.

Where do ghosts like to swim?

In the Dead Sea.

Communists swim in the Red Sea, while Afroamericans swim in the Black
Sea.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41823157.1BD379B8@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Chili Palmer <chilipalmer@sportdepot.com> wrote in message
> > > news:VAxed.51475$YM4.19637610@news4.srv.hcvlny.cv.net...
> > > > LOL
> > > >
> > > > --
> > > > Chili Palmer
> > > > http://s3.invisionfree.com/SportDepot/index.php?
> > > > The "Anything Forum" come sign up and have some fun!
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > "Michael Balarama" <mbalar@ev1.net> wrote in message
> > > > news:10nl53pr6sf1q97@corp.supernews.com...
> > > > > Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
> > > > >
> > > > > A. He had no body to dance with.
> > > > >
> > >
> > > He should have got the band to play the song "I Ain't Got No
Body." He
> could
> > > have danced to that.
> >
> > What do short sighted ghosts wear?
> >
> > Spook-tacles.
> >
> > What do short sighted Vulcan ghosts wear?
> >
> > Spock-tacles.
> >
> Guys who use AVO Meters, oscilloscopes etc. wear test-tacles?
>
> Hmmm? . . . What about women who use them.

What is a ghost's favorite music?

Haunting melodies and rhapsodies.

Musical demons: Melo-D, Rhapso-D.

 

nemo wrote:

> Hell!! Sinky: "The last words of a Finn when hundreds of plumbing fixtures
> consisting of water basins with drainpipes fell on his head!

Sinky: Key to Hell.

 

Eighty: Tea that multiplies you by 8.

Fifty: Tea that multiplies by 5.

Forty: Tea that multiplies by 4.

Ninety: Tea that multiplies by 9.

Sergeant: Officer in the ant army.

Sixty: Tea that multiplies by 6.

 

Eaten: 10 Computers on the Internet.

Ecstatic: Very happy tic.

Edict: Internet penis.

Educe: Mussolini on the Internet.

Eagle: Internet bird.

 

Nematode: Cross between a worm and a frog.

Imperial: Empire of the Imps.

Imprison: Where criminal Imps go.

Bison: What my parents say to me when I leave.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:406BECCE.82DE1844@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Strange Lad wrote:
> >
> > > "NottNick" <nmm657xx@bellows.org.uk> wrote in message
> news:c2q8ri$hcn$1@titan.btinternet.com...
> > > > I've been a member of this group for a while now and realise I'm not
> the
> > > > only Nick.
> > > > So I'm now NOTTNICK.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > So am I
> > >
> > > Strange NotNick
> >
> > Nottingham: Not a pig.
>
> Notable: Nothing to eat your din-dins from off of.
>
> Notate: Three Art Galeries have disappeared!
>
> Noting: The clapper's fell from out of the bell.
>
> Notory: Hooray! The Conservative Party has been disbanded at last!
>
> Notum: Had a very nasty accident to the peri tummy yum!! (^!^)

Notable: A musical table.

Notable: Not a male bovine.

 

"Douglas D. Anderson" wrote:

> Tim Bruening wrote:
> > Vitamin B: Bee who's sting heals all ills.
> >
> > Vitamin C: Ocean of Healing Elixir.
> >
> > Vitamin D: Demon that makes one healthy.
> >
> > Vitamin E: Internet vitamin.
>
> Sounds like you're not getting enough lead and mercury in your diet.

Mercurial: An emotionally unstable ocean.

 

CheechWizard wrote:

> >> Vitamin B: Bee who's sting heals all ills.
> >>
> >> Vitamin C: Ocean of Healing Elixir.
> >>
> >> Vitamin D: Demon that makes one healthy.
> >>
> >> Vitamin E: Internet vitamin.
> >
> > Sounds like you're not getting enough lead and
> mercury in your diet.
>
> ...nor rat poison...cyanide enema??...ita cure what
> ailz yer ass (no 'pun' intended)...
>
> peace...damn...i sure am glad i'm a ganster...

Poisonous people: Arsen Nick, Chlor Rick, Form Mick, Hydrochlor Rick,
Nit Rick, Phosphor Rick, and Sulphur Rick.

Des Tin: Metal that controls your fate.

 

Mos wrote:

> "CheechWizard" <located@a.titty.bar> wrote in message
> news:JhP2f.13044$QE1.6598@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net
> >>> Vitamin B: Bee who's sting heals all ills.
> >>>
> >>> Vitamin C: Ocean of Healing Elixir.
> >>>
> >>> Vitamin D: Demon that makes one healthy.
> >>>
> >>> Vitamin E: Internet vitamin.
> >>
> >> Sounds like you're not getting enough lead and
> > mercury in your diet.
> >
> > ...nor rat poison...cyanide enema??...ita cure what
> > ailz yer ass (no 'pun' intended)...
> >
> > peace...damn...i sure am glad i'm a ganster...
>
> I need to acquire a few ounces of nicotine sulfate.

Sul Fate: Substance of destiny?

 

Lasting: The final bell.

Pending: Writing bell.

Vending: Bells for sale.

Zipping: Musical pants.

 

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 08:07:21 +1300, "Gillian V" <gillianv@xtra.co.nz>
found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"Michael Balarama" <mbalar@ev1.net> wrote in message
> >news:101ag0t9b9v8j26@corp.supernews.com...
> >> A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve
> >> you, but don't start anything."
> >>
> >This sort of thing only leads to trouble.
> >
> Are you positive? There could be grounds for connection ...

This is truly shocking.

Shocking: Electrifying monarch.

 

Palema wrote:

> Michael Balarama wrote:
> > "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > newssUSb.33130$pD4.31487@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >
> >>The Director mustard the actors ready for the performance - because
they
> >>were all hams!
> >>Nemo
> >
> > They were already fried.
> >
> Or half-baked

Ham Radio: Radio plays by pigs.