Re: 03/04/05 Puns

280 days since UN Day (October 24).

 

80 days since Mother's Day on May 11.

 

artyw wrote:

> "Chris Trask" <christrask@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:<dk%7c.53697$aT1.47706@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net>...
> > Would a rotund adolescent who has gained considerable weight from
> > drinking too much hot chocolate be considered an ovalteen?
>
> Yoohoo is without thin, cast the first stein.

Heavy cities: Houston, Boston.

London: A mafia city.

 

Sheila Dundee wrote:

> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > On Mon, 8 Mar 2004 19:08:40 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
about:
> >
> >> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>> On Sun, 7 Mar 2004 23:21:00 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >>> <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>> about:
> >>>
> >>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>> On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 18:03:54 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >>>>> <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>>>> about:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>>>> On Fri, 05 Mar 2004 19:46:24 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> >>>>>>> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating

> >>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> On Fri, 05 Mar 2004 11:20:13 -0800
> >>>>>>>> J. A. Mc. <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> On Fri, 05 Mar 2004 01:05:36 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> >>>>>>>>> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words
floating
> >>>>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:36:17 +1030
> >>>>>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 14:27:40 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >>>>>>>>>>>> <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words
> >>>>>>>>>>>> floating about:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Cybe R. Wizard wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 11:45:45 +1030
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Who nose why I get adenoid so easily?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> No one nose? Nasal around.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sept,um, from those two nostrils under the bridge.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> That snort fair!!
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> Slightly deviated as well ... <G>
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Here's a tip - don't get stuffy, you nasal drip!!
> >>>>>>>>>>> Besides nobody nose where you've been Roman..!
> >>>>>>>>>>> <s>
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> Uh, oh! Your cover's been blown! Schnoz at all what I'd
> >>>>>>>>>> expect or rated.
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> You expected more from a Vicks'n?
> >>>>>>>>> A robe, a tuss'n, a ???
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> No, when asked yea or nay about that post, nays all drip.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> I'd go along wid ya, septum I'd nose Sheila's full wrath. <G>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> I'll bring you to your sneeze!!
> >>>>>>
> >>>>> Here's looking achooooooooo, kid!
> >>>>
> >>>> You are a cur, chief!!
> >>>>
> >>> Thanks, now I know how to reply when you request; "Give us a hand,

> >>> cur chief!" ... "Snot now, I'm BZ."
> >>
> >> Did I tissue off?
> >>
> > Not nearly as much as Dot, she's my Kleenex.
>
> She wipe you out? Sheet, what a blow!!

Blowing: Win-D bird.

 

David Simpson wrote:

> On Sat, 06 Mar 2004 14:53:35 -0800, J. A. Mc. <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com>
> typed furiously:
>
> >On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 10:52:45 -0700, "MosZibby" <Naked@YourHouse> found these
> >unused words floating about:
> >
> >>nemo wrote:
> >>> MosZibby <Naked@YourHouse> wrote in message
> >>> news:104i7vi3q9kgo9d@corp.supernews.com...
> >>>> nemo wrote:
> >>>>> MosZibby <Naked@YourHouse> wrote in message
> >>>>> news:104euch2s9b1de0@corp.supernews.com...
> >>>>>> David Simpson wrote:
> >>>>>>> On Wed, 3 Mar 2004 08:26:13 -0700, "MosZibby" <Naked@YourHouse>
> >>>>>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> Yeah, so.
> >>>>>>>>>> I'm not trying to curry any favours with you.
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> Did you misspell "flavours"? Satay only asks for peanuts.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> If I did, you and Nemo wouldn't have been able to
> >>>>>>>> comment on it. Satay is much too saucy to use on any nuts
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Cashews go well as well. We were just proving that you are unable
> >>>>>>> to see opportunities that are right in front of you. Does your
> >>>>>>> stomach get in the way by any chance?
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> I blame it on my lack of experience you guys have.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> ...
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Mine does damn it.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> Oh, watching your waist line? Good job it's out
> >>>>>> there where you can keep an eye on it.
> >>>>>> You could try push aways.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>> Are thems "Press-ups" or a way of getting through a crowd?
> >>>>
> >>>> Push aways are performed at the dinner table.
> >>>>
> >>>>> Hans up!! Hans down!! Hans up!! Hans down!! Hans up!! Hans down!!
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Ven vee take prisoners, we like zem fitt!
> >>>>
> >>>> Yah, into microwave. Seats 12.
> >>>>
> >>> I've never seen my crow wave. Its wings aren't articulated in that
> >>> way.
> >>
> >>So much for "as a crow flies" then.
> >>
> >Starting a flap ... ?
>
> and soaring into the wide blue yonder.

Soaring: Ring that is rye-sing.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44CB019B.6C8278FE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Compress: Computer newspaper.
> >
> > Concavity: Criminal with a tooth ache.
> >
> > Depress: A newspaper printed in Hell.
> >
> > Empress: Royal newspaper.
> >
> > Express: Failed newspaper.
> >
> > Oppress: A newspaper about doughnuts.
> >
> > Repress: To print the paper again.
> >
> > Suppress: Dictator newspaper.
>
> Omnipressent: Newspapers delivered everywhere!

Such as USA Today?

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44CB0257.C44D40C7@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:435F175B.88D22350@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > fredmiller@the.PC wrote:
> > > > > > "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> > > > > > news:<3faca554$0$3791$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au>...
> > > > > >> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > > > >>> On Thu, 6 Nov 2003 18:33:54 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > > > >>> <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >
> > > > > >>> about:
> > > > > >>>
> > > > > >>>> fredmiller@the.PC wrote:
> > > > > >>>>> wheeEler@tns.net (mike wheeEler) wrote in message
> > > > > >>>>> news:<3fa884d0_3@127.0.0.1>...
> > > > > >>>>>> In article <vsjfqvsc77hsnhd5ifr9ep8nuep7pbh1l8@4ax.com>,
> > > > > >>>>>> mammal@watering.hole, Buffalo Chialkt was looking at the
> > world
> > > > > >>>>>> oddly when:
> > > > > >>>>>>>
> > > > > >>>>>>>
> > > > > >>>>>>> The grateful coffee farmer offered me a bag of dark roast,
> > but
> > > > > >>>>>>> as a county extension agent I can't accept that kind of
> > perk.
> > > > > >>>>>>
> > > > > >>>>>> Yeah... day after day... always the same old grind...
> > > > > >>>>>
> > > > > >>>>> I wouldn't accept that kind of dark roast pork..er.. perk in
> > a
> > > > > >>>>> bag.
> > > > > >>>>
> > > > > >>>> On what grounds?
> > > > > >>>>
> > > > > >>> He's afraid of the brew (ha-ha) it would start. Espresso(ly)
> > > > > >>> forbidden in his contract.
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >> He'd become an instant has-bean!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Maybe, but I hear he's still hot in Java, where he was Born-eo.
> > > > >
> > > > > Borneo?? I didn't know he was a short black! So, was he born on
> > the
> > > > > Froth of July?
> > > >
> > > > May the 4th be with you!
> > > >
> > > > Lettuce March 4th 4 Whirled Peas!
> > >
> > > If you stir them that fast, the hot water will go all over you! (>!<)
> >
> > Presser: Newspaper knight.
> >
> . . on the kitchen floor knight to soak up all the water knight.

Night of the Water Communist!

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4244FE1A.2485B24F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Harvest: Article of clothing made of food.
> >
> > Horsing: What the king asked the criminal to do.
> >
> > Horsing: Singing equine.
> >
> > Protractor: Farm machine that makes crop circles.
> >
> > Poultry: Tree that grows food birds.
> >
> > Seeding: Grows into bell flowers.
> >
> > Seeding: Musical ocean.
> >
> > Weeding: We ring the bells.
> >
> >
> A medal you're expectin', maybe?
>
> Breeding: Making ringing, greasy, stinking cheese!

Andromeda: A daddy galaxy.

 

virgiliopoeta wrote:

> Tim Bruening a ?crit :
>
> > virgiliopoeta wrote:
> >
> > > We are also told in _Pebble_ that Pola Shekt, like ALL EARTHLINGS, has
> > > a rich dark bronze skin, which points towards Latin America not the
> > > United States, as their racial point of origin, unless perhaps heavy
> > > radiation rapidly favors a darker skin, which seems doubtful. But Bel
> > > Arvardan has a whiter skin, being from Sirius, which was presumably
> > > first settled by estadounidenses.
> >
> > A nuclear war would have damaged the ozone layer, letting in more
> > ultraviolet, which would increase the survival value of dark skin.
>
> This seems very logical, especially considering we are told that the
> Earthlings have a high rate of mutation. I vaguely remember however
> that Pola is also said to have fuller facial features than Bel
> Arvardan, which might perhaps indicate an original racial difference.

On the other hand, Robots and Empire says that Earth's increased
radioactivity
resulted not from a nuclear war, but from a network of nuclear
intensifiers
planted by a couble of Aurorans and activated by one of them with the
tacit
consent of a telepathic robot named Giskard.

 

Alligator: One who makes allegations.

Allocate: To find Al Gore.

Goring: Ring worn by Al.

Macy: A shopping mall in the ocean.

JC Penny: A 1 cent shopping mall in the ocean.

Gottchalks: A question for a teacher shopping for classroom supplies.

 

145 days to Christmas Eve.

 

25 days to Women's Suffrage Day.

 

340 days to 7/7.

 

55 days since 06/07/08.

 

95 days to the Presidential election on November 4!

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40EB8DCD.1E1301AF@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Blues Buoy <ashishgandre@gmail.com> wrote in message
> > > news:13697ebc.0407052121.6c436a41@posting.google.com...
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:<40E9104B.F4F18F98@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > > > > Bob Crowley wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message

> > > news:<40DEC5AA.DA71EA39@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > > > > > > Concave: Against spelunking.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Content: Against camping.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Contrail: Against hiking.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Contour: Against French bicycle races.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Produce: A supporter of Italian dictator Mussolini.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Protect: Favoring innovation.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > bicycle - use twice only
> > > > > >
> > > > > > bipolar - compass with north and south
> > > > > >
> > > > > > binary - 2 canaries
> > > > > >
> > > > > > bimetallic - very heavy metal band
> > > > >
> > > > > Biplane: Bisexual flying machine.
> > > >
> > > > Antimony - Frugalist
> > > >
> > > Beryllium: Interring a guy called Liam.
> > >
> > > Barium: Interring anybody's body!
> > >
> > > Potassium: Favored by stoned donkeys.
> > >
> > > Aluminium: Tasty curried potatoes prepared by Minerva.
> >
> > Helium: Gas that cures.
> >
> > Curium: A transuranic element that cures.
> >
> Radioactive Palestinian leader/a lice in wonderland: Curie Yasser and
Curie
> Yasser.

Did he get struck by Depleted Uranium?

 

James King wrote:

> In article <0n3oe01shc6co0mtl3ohh81kmgsqlh6l6g@4ax.com>,
> J. A. Mc. <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote:
>
> > On Wed, 07 Jul 2004 13:25:06 GMT, James King <jlking3@ix.netcom.com>
found
> > these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >In article <shqne0t9s2kor2bja4erbqht1e9fl0ul1e@4ax.com>,
> > > Alan <bogfern1@hotmail.com> wrote:
> > >
> > >> On 7 Jul 2004 00:31:18 -0700, tsbrueni@dcn.davis.ca.us (Tim
Bruening)
> > >> wrote:
> > >>
> > >> >"Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > >> >news:<10eg61peobv1td6@corp.supernews.com>...
> > >> >> Dougal wrote:
> > >>
> > >> >> > The Greatest Man Ever - 24293 posts (and counting) of such
idiotic
> > >> >> > conversation you could almost swear you were in Warsaw.
> > >> >>
> > >> >> Like we can't swear no matter where we are.
> > >> >
> > >> >Now it's at 24,428.
> > >>
> > >> Would you swear to that?
> > >
> > >Hmmm ... seems like an Olympic event: sportswear.
> >
> > Shhhh ... that's bejing saved for the Chinese Olympunics.
>
> Jeff Craine here at the Olympunics, let's go to Bart for the play by
> play:
>
> "Well, Craine, it seems like the Russian team's speeding through the
> event, but the team from Greece seems to be slipping. The team from
> Wales seems to be crying, and the team from Tibet was disqualified for

> gambling. The team from Kenya keeps asking others for help, and the
team
> from Germany has a leg joint injury which will require antibiotics.
Back
> to you, Craine."

Does the Swedish team have a sweet tooth?

The team from Iran is leading in all the foot races.

Napoleon: Sleeping dictator.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40EB8B5D.DB4301D2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Reduce: The tennis game is tied again.
> >
> > Reduce: Mussolini is back in power.
> >
> > Subtract: A train underwater.
> >
> > Duction: The process of becoming a duck.
> >
> > Conduct: Against ducks.
> >
> > Conduction: Against becoming a duck.
> >
> > Reduction: To become a duck again.
> >
> > Subtraction: How a sub pushes off against the ground.
> >
> > Duct Tape: Used to tape together broken ducks.
> >
> > Duct Tape: Recording of duck calls.
>
> Duct Tape: Primate in charge of running cables within trunking.
>
> Trunking: Elephant monarch.

Horsing: An equine singer or a singer with a cold.

 

nemo wrote:

> Randolf Richardson <rr@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95BF6425FE8E4rr8xca@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <nemo@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > Abbey Normal <abbeyn@dontspamme.com> wrote in message
> > > news:Xqmdnfxt7Y7IbiPcRVn-jg@comcast.com...
> > >> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> news:41BEA806.B1201419@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >>
> > >>> 12 years to 12/14/16.
> > >>
> > >> It dozen matter to me.
> > >
> > > If it were a baker's dozen you might be won over.
> >
> > Does it happen twice for teens?
> >
> For for teens it's ill eagle. They just have to wait.

Cookie: Key to the kitchen.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41BBBC12.9DDDE516@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
> >
> > > So then Larry Krzewinski said:
> > > >
> > > >>>>So then Alan reirritated:
> > > >>>>>>Bib Likkle chant: (repeat...): "Noah. Ana. Siam."
> > > >>>>>I learned that one as "Ohwah. Tagoo. Siam.
> > > >>>>I like your version for young people like Mos.
> > > >>>Mos might like "What kind of tool am I?"
> > > >>He's an empty shell where an empty fart must dwell?
> > > >
> > > >Why can't I pass my gas like any other man?
> > > >And maybe then I'll kno' what kind of tool I am!
> > >
> > > You sing like Al Gyro.
> >
> > Gyrate: Price of a spinning top.
> >
> > Beaming: Happy Chinese vase.
> >
> > Creaming: Tasty vase.
> >
> > Seaming: Sewing machine vase.
> >
> > Steaming: Hot vase.
> >
> > Storming: Rainy vase.
>
> A vase for keeping grain etc. in would have been better - and drier if you
> didn't want the grain to rot.
>
> Birmingham: City in the North of England with terrible architecture and a
> high Chinese population.
>
> Birmingham Alabama: Town in the US that *had* a high Chinese population
> intil the Poo Putz Clan racists killed them all off!!

Birmingham: Chinese vase with cold pig meat.