Re: 03/04/05 Puns

In article <k7mea4t9glam514anjfmcpumk4gsv9hfip@4ax.com>, Aratzio
says...

> On Sat, 16 Aug 2008 17:32:31 -0500, in the land of
> alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, Tim Weaver <tmw99999@gmail.com>
> got double secret probation for writing:
>
> >CovvTseTung wrote:
> >
> >> In article <g878ab$cm0$1@aioe.org>, ~Z~ says...
> >>
> >>> Attention, my fellow t.u.ri-ers and a.ri-ers, be aware that
> >>> "CovvTseTung" has been adding in unrelated newsgroups to his postings
> >>> here in an apparent attempt to rathole our discussions and our new
> >>> newsgroup:
> >>>
> >>> alt.fan.notb
> >>
> >> That's my home froup, and I'm a native Rhode Islander, so it *is*
> >> related.
> >>
> >>> alt.usenet.kooks
> >>
> >> You're bucking for a k00k award, so it *is* related.
> >>
> >>> news.groups
> >>
> >> They (erroneously) created tur-i, and are responsible for this, so it
> >> *is* related.
> >>
> >> Ewe left out the 'Nose and the 'Flonk. Tsk, tsk.
> >
> >This is unforgivable! Leaving out teh flonk?!? ~Z~ and his other flunkies
> >must be destroyed!
>
> What is even scarier, a bunch of them think the kewl kids all use a
> single letter nym.

Their state is so small that only single letter nyms will fit

>
> >
> >> Let me fixor thate for ewe.
> >>
> >>> Cross-posting like this is one way trolls draw outside masses into
> >>> newsgroups to pollute them.
> >>>
> >>> Be aware of his tactics if you choose to respond to him.
> >>
> >> So, ewe don't respect your fellow Rhode Islander's ability to read a
> >> simple froups line?
> >>
>
>
>
>

--

"Tis an ill wind that blows no minds"

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48A66AE1.D4CD5F0B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4155CFCC.2937F2ED@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:4041E45F.FE7DDE65@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > Beechwood: Sandy trees.
> > > > >
> > > > > Box Elder: What they made gramps casket out of.
> > > > >
> > > > > Karl Marx Roses: First Red Roses.
> > > > >
> > > > > Redwood: Very tall trees much loved by environmentalists.
> > > > >
> > > > > Readwood: A book.
> > > > >
> > > > > Statice: Very high ranking flowers.
> > > > >
> > > > > Sycamore: Don't want another bite.
> > > > >
> > > > > Sycamore: What Valerie Harper said about reuniting with Mary
> Tyler
> > > > > Moore.
> > > >
> > > > Hornbeam: Wife's expression when she sees the results of her
> husband
> > taking
> > > > Viagra!
> > >
> > > Hawthorne: Laughing prickly plants.
> > >
> > > Mulberry: A berry on which kids see all sorts of weird animals.
> >
> > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mul
> >
> > The things some peep hole use their PCs for!
> >
> > It was also a prefabricated WW2 harbour used during the D-day landings
> - and
> > British, d'ya hear? BRITISH!!!
>
> Briton: 2,000 pound inhabitant of Great Britain.

We've only got one of those and he's retired.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyril_Smith

I think they're going to use him as the wheel-covering on one of those huge
new Boing!!!!! jets!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48A670CE.1E48B621@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> Harry Farkas wrote:
>
> > I was walking the dog around the block when I noticed one of my
> neighbors
> > being driven in the back seat of his car. I looked at front seat and
> was
> > surprised to see that the driver appeared to be an Egyptian mummy.
> Needless
> > to say, I was a bit intrigued.
> >
> > When they parked the car and my neighbor got out, I asked, "Who's that
>
> > driving your car?"
> > "Oh, him?" my neighbor said, "He's just my desiccated driver."
>
> Was this on Thirstday?

Used in heathen Macaroons: Desecrated coconut!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48A67DC6.1ACBCA8A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> On Thu, 7 Jun 2001 18:30:01 -0500, "Robert E. Lewis"
> <rlewis@brazosport.cc.tx.us> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >KiltedJedi <kiltedjedi@usetheforce.luke> wrote in message
> >news:MPG.1589eec7164671d09896b5@news.ntlworld.com...
> >> In article <thu2p34anrtj16@corp.supernews.com>, mammal@watering.hole
> >> Swats Darth Maul aside to say
> >> > One Weird Dude wrote:
> >> > > Time Machine: a clock. It tells time, don't it?
> >> > Thyme machine: a wok.
> >> >
> >> Rhyme Machine: A poet
> >
> >Crime Machine: Getaway car.
> >
> >Mime Machine: silently imitate the motion of pistons and gears.
> >
> >Chime Machine: Westminster clock.
>
> Dime Machine: Produces 10 cent coins.
>
> Sime Machine: Makes people grow tentacles on their arms (read the
> Sime/Gen series by Jacqueline Lichtenberg).
>
> Slime Machine: Makes things icky.
>
> Sublime Machine: Makes lime juice for mermaids.

Aha! Mermaids! 36, 24 and 15/6d a pound!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48A670A9.1A4D03C0@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> fredmiller@the.PC <fred609@webtv.net> wrote in message
> news:3361f1b9.0310221922.48fc1b59@posting.google.com...
> > "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> news:<skylb.123355$SJ5.53117@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>...
> > > fredmiller@the.PC <fred609@webtv.net> wrote in message
> > > news:3361f1b9.0310200333.5dbeb54@posting.google.com...
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:<3F93824E.8FE3D494@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > > > > "fredmiller@the.PC" wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:<3F919C43.F1EFB115@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > > > > > > Rite Aid in Davis is stocking Halloween stuff in Halloween
> > > Terror-Tory.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Witch Rite-Aid ? I've searched like the Devil to find it.
> > > > >
> > > > > The one on Russell and Anderson in Davis, CA.
> > > >
> > > > On my way there ~ like a bat out of hell...
> > >
> > > . . with its arson fire?
> >
> > That was a sucker pun(ch) !
>
> Sucker: Dog that gives blow jobs.

Blower: A boxer who plays the bassoon.

(You can blow your brians out playing one of those!)

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48A67181.B7573946@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:425A21DA.CF70D348@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:41870B1C.59BFC067@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > > So then, Larry Krzewinski turns to the guy and says:
> > > > > >>>
> > > > > >>>>>>>>>You mean 20 years old with hair and without Doreen? No
> can
> > do.
> > > > > >>>>>>>>Doreen has hair. It's just not obvious with all the
> curlers.
> > > > > >>>>>>>For your sake I hope that you're talking about the hair
> on her
> > > > head!
> > > > > >>>>>>Of course! Now, the curler iron, well that's a different
> story.
> > > > > >>>>>>I'll never let myself run out of Viagra again!
> > > > > >>>>>Weren't you even a little curious when Doreen asked for
> that
> > > > vibrating
> > > > > >>>>>curling iron for Christmas?
> > > > > >>>>She told me it would improve her head.
> > > > > >>>Orally?
> > > > > >>O'Really!
> > > > > >>(Her roommate Aura Lee was Irish)
> > > > > >
> > > > > >See, my post was supposed to taken as ambiguously as possible.
> I
> > > > > >guess that you can't win 'em all.
> > > > >
> > > > > Posting: After the bell.
> > > > >
> > > > > Posting: Mailed bell.
> > > > >
> > > > > Posting: Bell on the Internet.
> > > > >
> > > > > Watcher: Knight of security.
> > > >
> > > > Cross-post: Angry poison-pen letters.
> > >
> > > Mousy: Ocean of rodents.
> > >
> > > Mouser: Rodent knight.
> >
> > Enormouse: A rat.
> >
> > Moustafa Decko: An Arabic peeping-tom rodent.
>
> Poison: Male offspring of Poi.

Praps a male offspring (BOINNG!) is already a poi - and a female offspring
(BOINNG! in a higher voice!) is a goil - like in the Bronx!

 

No2 <no2@aol.com> wrote in news:V7Iqk.336$Is1.232@newsfe04.iad:

> Mike wrote:
>> "KKK wannabe" <emtae@aol.com> wrote in message
>> news:uSFqk.9$Rs1.0@newsfe08.iad...
>>> Mike wrote:
>>>> "KKK wannabe" <emtae@aol.com> wrote in message
>>>> news:ZHCqk.33663$KZ.4093@newsfe03.iad...
>>>>> Mike wrote:
>>>>>> "tater" <taternwanda@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>>>>>> news:AaAqk.514232$I42.480373@fe04.news.easynews.com...
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> "buttman" <nbvFOUR@gmail.com> wrote in message
>>>>>>> news:6d8e0d0c-a36b-47da-813a-fa3c13d99821
@t54g2000hsg.googlegroup
>>>>>>> s.com...
>>>>>>>
>>>>>> <snip>
>>>>>>> The sites he posted are moderated and the slime balls that post
>>>>>>> the crap
>>>>>>> here would be booted out of those sites.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Perhaps, but so would slime balls that advertised other forums on
>>>>>> those "sites" ad nauseum.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Moderated??
>>>>>
>>>>> Or thought control from Marxist anti-liberty slime balls?
>>>>>
>>>>> FREEDOM
>>>>> LIBERTY
>>>>> The TRUTH will NEVER be stopped
>>>>> NEVER
>>>>
>>>> Ah, come now, Grand Wizard. None of the BS you spew has anything
>>>> to do with any of the above.
>>>
>>> Grand Wizard??
>>> OK
>>>
>>> Poooof!!!
>>> You are a "San Francisco Rump Ranger"
>>>
>>> Weeeeeeeeeeeeee I'M voting for Obama girlfriend
>>
>> You should let everyone know when you're trying to be funny, GW.
>> Those not as quick as I am might mistake your ramblings as drug
>> induced (and they might be right). Then again you're not talking to
>> yourself in the 3rd person today, so perhaps you're on legitimate
>> meds, no? But I suppose one can't expect much from a 3rd class moron
>> who thinks exercising "freedom-of-speech" means he should spam
>> newsgroups with his mouthbreathing idiocies.
>
>
> Mouth(Space inserted)Breathing Idiocies???
> WTF?
> Would that be the dreaded MBI?
>
> I hear you get that from living in San Francisco, going to bath
> houses(Male Only)with your own K-Y and voting for women and America
> haters like Nancy Pelosi
>
> Are you a limp wrist sycophant Mike?
>
> Come on fess up it would explain your big words and Marxist ideology
>
> Information for Newsgroup censor fans like Mike and Obamoism also
> known as "The Black Messiah"
>
>
> http://www.britannica.com/blogs/2007/06/of-maoism-dinosaurs-and-the-
mas
> s-mind/
>
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maoism
>
> Remember if you challenge the above San Francisco Left Coast Obama
> loving philosophy which in reality is Mass Mind Maoism 21st century
> style you will be labeled a Grand Wizard and live in a trailer park
> also (Only in words)
>
> And why is all this in a pilots newsgroup? If we go Obama(Maoism)99
> out of 100 private pilots will not be able to afford it
>
> You will be GREEN squeezed out of existence
>
> WAKE THE FUCK UP
>

Mmm k k00kie boi



Bertie

 

"The Bunyip Slayer" <luv2^fly99@cox.^net> wrote in news:WcIqk.86$Rs1.50
@newsfe08.iad:

>
> "Bertie the Bunyip" <AA@AA.AA> wrote in message
> news:g8fiu0$4lk$2@blackhelicopter.databasix.com...
>>>
>>> And why is all this in a pilots newsgroup? If we go Obama(Maoism)99
>>> out of 100 private pilots will not be able to afford it
>>>
>>> You will be GREEN squeezed out of existence
>>>
>>> WAKE THE FUCK UP
>>>
>>
>> Mmm k k00kie boi
>>
>>
>>
>
> Signed - Bertie the wannabe moderator

Moi? never. I n fact I loath those that run away.

You're idiocy in remainng here is your one redeeming feature.

Aside form your entertainment value, that is.


Bertie

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48A67BEE.348FB462@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:41E60C1B.703E8CAB@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > "Alan B. Combs" wrote:
> > >
> > > > Untold riches. That is the goal of any self-respecting buccaneer.
> > > > Gold, rubies, diamonds, bullion -- all are acceptable plunder for
these
> > > > thieves of the high seas.
> > > >
> > > > When the the ill-gotten gains are particularly good, many brigands
will
> > > > put their goods in a sack and swing the swag above their heads.
Then
> > > > they dance around in a little wiggle-waggle jig very similar to that
> > > > adopted by many NFL players who have just made a touchdown.
> > > >
> > > > Indeed, it is most entertaining to watch a pirate shake his booty.
> > >
> > > Booty: Beverage drunk by a ghost.
> >
> > Boot Ox: The rear end of a castrated bull. Why do they castrate them? To
> > show them who's bos.
>
> Card Hider: Beverage that hides cards on your person.
>
> Injure Jail: Beverage that sends you to jail.
>
> Droft Sink: Beverage that makes you sink into the ground.
>
> Drapple Ink: Beverage that can be used to write.

Dribble: A male bovine with over-active salivary glands.

Lady Saliva: A sticky naked girl who rode a horse through Banbury and
Oxford!

 

330 days to the anniversaries of the first nuclear test (July 16, 1945)
and of the launch of Apollo 11 (July 16, 1969).

 

240 days since Christmas Eve.

 

90 days to November 18.

 

50 days since the start of California's Fiscal year on July 1. Still no
budget!!!!!!

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:407A4444.40C7C50E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Admit: Glove advertisement.
> >
> > Admit: Mathematician's glove.
> >
> > Emit: Computer glove.
> >
> > Helmet: Satan's glove.
> >
> > Kermit: Green glove that hops.
> >
> > Limit: Constrictive glove.
> >
> > Omit: Glove that isn't there.
> >
> > Peppermint: Sneezing glove.
> >
> > Permit: Price of a glove.
> >
> > Remit: Put on your gloves again.
> >
> > Spearmint: Sharp glove.
> >
> > Submit: Neptune's glove.
> >
> > Summit: Mountain top glove.
> >
> > Summit: Another mathematician's glove.
> >
> > Testament: Biblical glove.
>
> Kermit: Frog's glove.
>
> Thermit: Very hot glove.
>
> http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=thermit in case you've forgot
> already.
>
> Limit: Glove that fits all four extremities.
>
> Transmit: Unisex glove.

Hermit: Woman's glove.

Kermit: Canine glove.

Purmit: Feline glove.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42EB6FF3.1740F7BA@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40B97096.66D91D8E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Fragmit: A glove in pieces.
> > > >
> > > Fragment: Cement after a hammer-blow.
> > >
> > > Fragmentation Grenade: Designed to blow Indians to bits. (Noah Fence)
> > >
> > > Mills Bomb: What finally blew up a well-known Brit actor who did a huge
> > > number of excellent war films.
> >
> > Beamit: Buzzing glove, or a transporter glove.
>
> There's no Scottie to work it now. (((((((((

Scottie: Beverage in a UK province?

 

Strange Lad wrote:

> "NottNick" <nmm657xx@bellows.org.uk> wrote in message news:c2q8ri$hcn$1@titan.btinternet.com...
> > I've been a member of this group for a while now and realise I'm not the
> > only Nick.
> > So I'm now NOTTNICK.
> >
> >
> So am I
>
> Strange NotNick

Nottingham: Not a pig.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44E6D86A.EC606ED6@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Robert Morpheal wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > >
> > > > D cup: What demons drink out of.
> > >
> > > I am in training to be a demon. I think they want me to move up from C
> > >
> > > to D, now. I have to be progressive as to the cups I drink out of.
> >
> > E Cup: Cup on the Internet.
> >
>
> An attack of the E-Cups can make a lady's titties bounce up and down very
> nicely indeed!

Tit T: Stimulating breast drink.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42EF05C1.5FF9529D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4109B4F7.CCF18137@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Scamit: Con glove.
> > > >
> > > > Skimit: Low fat glove.
> > > >
> > > > Tim: Reverse glove.
> > >
> > > The obvious: Reverse glove on fire! )
> >
> > "The Obvious" doesn't look like a palindrome of "Glove On Fire". Please
> > explain.
> >
> Can't remember. I must have been Brahms and Liszt when I writted it!

Evolg doesn't look like a combusting glove to me!

 

ynotssor wrote:

> "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" <tonworthyCLOTHES@SexMagnet.com> wrote in
> message news:4103fc24$0$25470$45beb828@newscene.com
>
> > 29 years now? Wow, that *is* quite a camping trip! Hey, you didn't
> > happen to jump out of an airliner with a big bag of cash did you?
>
> I can honestly say that I've only made one jump from a Boeing 727 in my
> life, and that was from 15,000 ft.

I didn't know that such planes could serve parachutters.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:410D38B6.60214A6A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4109C271.47D56E4F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Embarrassing: Red faced singer.
> > > >
> > > > Embossing: Song of a potter.
> > > >
> > > > Embracing: Hugging song.
> > > >
> > > > Expressing: Song of a failed newspaper.
> > > >
> > > > Flossing: Dentist song.
> > > >
> > > > Grossings: 144 songs.
> > > >
> > > > Harassing: Song that bugs people.
> > > >
> > > > Harnessing: Song of draft animals.
> > > >
> > > > Hissing: Snake song.
> > > >
> > > > History: Conservative British snake
> > >
> > > . . . or goose.
> > >
> > > His/Herstory: Politically correct record of past events.
> >
> > Exploratory: British Conservative in space.
> >
> Or doing an MRI scan of a Conservative to see if there are any guts, a brain
> or a heart inside.
>
> The results are usually negative - just like Dubya's!

They X-rayed Dizzy Dean's head and found nothing.