Re: 03/04/05 Puns

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48B250FB.4E1F7D94@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:44336C54.8CE4B599@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:424E6046.A49B075B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > > shelly <scouvrette@bluemarble.net> wrote in message
> > > > > news:<Pine.BSF.4.56.0410140948050.58891@tesla.bluemarble.net>...
> > > > > > on 2004-10-14 at 05:05 <vijaynats@yahoo.com> wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >It's my pleasure to stretch it longer!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > won't *somebody* think of the kittens?
> > > > >
> > > > > Kitten: The 10th do it yourself package.
> > > >
> > > > You can trip over these if you go out on a moggie day!
> > >
> > > Tool Kit: Cat that carries tools.
> > >
> > Cool Tit: Frozen songbird.
>
> Commando: Soldier who orders pastry batter around.

Corporal: Soldier who orders cadavers around!

Except for Lady Cadaver. Her husband wouldn't let eem!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48AD1013.4F1FC4AC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:410D38B6.60214A6A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:4109C271.47D56E4F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > Embarrassing: Red faced singer.
> > > > >
> > > > > Embossing: Song of a potter.
> > > > >
> > > > > Embracing: Hugging song.
> > > > >
> > > > > Expressing: Song of a failed newspaper.
> > > > >
> > > > > Flossing: Dentist song.
> > > > >
> > > > > Grossings: 144 songs.
> > > > >
> > > > > Harassing: Song that bugs people.
> > > > >
> > > > > Harnessing: Song of draft animals.
> > > > >
> > > > > Hissing: Snake song.
> > > > >
> > > > > History: Conservative British snake
> > > >
> > > > . . . or goose.
> > > >
> > > > His/Herstory: Politically correct record of past events.
> > >
> > > Exploratory: British Conservative in space.
> > >
> > Or doing an MRI scan of a Conservative to see if there are any guts, a
brain
> > or a heart inside.
> >
> > The results are usually negative - just like Dubya's!
>
> They X-rayed Dizzy Dean's head and found nothing.

MRI Scanner doing an ordinary person:

Klonk-klonk-klonk-klonk . . . . . .

EEEEEEE AAAAAAH EEEEEEE AAAAAAH EEEEEEE AAAAAAH EEEEEEE AAAAAAH EEEEEEE
AAAAAAH EEEEEEE AAAAAAH EEEEEEE AAAAAAH !!!!

MRI Scanner doing George Dubbaya Bush:

Klonk-klonk-klonk-klonk . . . . . .

EE' . . . . . . . HUH????????

I forgot to take my steel arm-bands off. They slid up and started strangling
my shoulders!!! )

And I'd like to see the loudspeaker they got a magnet that size from off
of!!!

 

175 days to February 20.

 

210 days since 02/04/08.

 

35 days since my nephew Noah's 2nd birthday on July 28.

 

300 days to Iraq Sovereignty Day on June 28.

 

80 days since Friday the 13th of June.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42703453.649CA205@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Drink King: King of beers, with the talent of conjuring any liquid,
> > including milk, water, love water, hate water, Youth Elixir, Age
> > Elixir, Healing Elixir, Lethe, rum, beer, root beer, Boot Rear, tea,
> > tree-tea, gravi-tea (a heavy drink that weighs you down), and Molotov
> > Cocktails (an explosive drink derived from the tails of male chickens.
> > It was used in Hungary in 1956).
>
> There was a barmaid who was very good at conjuring with the beverage of
> Burton. Her name was Beertix!

Making tics drunk?

 

Bison: A parental farewell to their male offspring.

Racing: Singing sunshine.

 

Biking: The king is gay!

Biking: Farewell to a king.

Biking: Lance Armstrong.

Bison: My son is gay!

Facing: Singing head.

 

Tim Bruening wrote:

> mike wheeEler wrote:
>
> > In article <3F73C80E.3CE1C8A2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world oddly when:
> > >
> > >Poland: Nation of opinion polls.
> > >
> > Poland: Nation of German asses.
>
> Poland: Country in the Arctic.

Lacy: Ocean of revealing night clothing.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41265E27.C366AFD2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Subcellular: Underwater cell phone.
> >
> > Subcompact: Agreement among merperson and fish nations.
> >
> > Subprogram: What runs an underwater computer.
> >
> > Subshell: Outside of a submarine.
>
> Can't be right. Outside of a submarine is water.

Subshell: Underwater oil company.

Beacon: Meeting of bees.

Deacon: Meeting of Ds.

Falcon: Meeting of fals.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:431549D5.714DEC02@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:421A8204.24D4CBF4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > On 2002-04-14 21:07:44 PST,
> > > >
> > > > "Greg Evans" <gregevans@charter.net> wrote ...
> > > > > Mad Jesuit wrote:
> > > > > > > When you look at a barcode:
> > > > > > > ???????????????????????????
> > > > > > > You're looking at an Ethiopian's family portrait.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > ... It's the Bionic Man's fingerprint.
> > > > > > ... It's a genetically engineered zebra.
> > > > > > ... An aerial photograph of a toupee with a built in combover.
> > > > > > ... A micro-machine's treadprint.
> > > > > > ... A fence for anorexic hide-and-seek.
> > > > >
> > > > > I thought a "bar code" was what you had to whisper to the doorman to
> get
> > > > > into a speakeasy.
> > > >
> > > > Or how a prison guard enters a jail cell.
> > >
> > > Ex-addict prison guard in Winter: Cold Turnkey.
> >
> > Fairfield: Meadow of entertainment.
>
> Convenient Garden: A handy entertainment venue in London.

Any suggestions on how to stop hurry canes?

 

Gaper: Price of a homosexual hooker.

Goalie: A cheer for Lee!

Goatee: Tea for a goat.
Golfer: Furry sport.

Gopher: Furry animal on the plains.

 

Gaper: Price of a homosexual hooker.

Goalie: A cheer for Lee!

Goatee: Tea for a goat.
Golfer: Furry sport.

Gopher: Furry animal on the plains.

 

nemo wrote:

> Timmy <tsbrueni@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:1105329906.123371.269710@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> >
> > Aiming: Arrow vase.
> >
> > Arming: Explosive vase.
> >
> > Beaming: Honey producing vase.
> >
> > Claming: Shelled marine Chinese vase.
> >
> > Cramming: Vase filled with junk.
> >
> > Cramming: Vase studying for a test.
> >
> > Creaming: Dairy vase.
> >
> > Flaming: Burning vase.
> >
> > Hamming: Pig vase.
> > Gleaming: Shiny vase.
> >
> > Priming: First vase.
> >
> > Trimming: A fit vase.
> >
> Try the other famous dynasty for a change. Go off on a Tang, gent!

Were a lot of Tang vases fired?

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:426F449E.40DE8EE4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:42128B67.5736C26A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > pontius wrote:--
> > > >
> > > > > Bring me the head of Michael Foot.
> > > >
> > > > Bring me the foot of Michael Head.
> > >
> > > During a MacArbre soccer game:
> > >
> > > Head me the foot of Michael Bring.
> >
> > Soccer: Dog with a good kick.
>
> White Curpuscle: Microscopic albino dog.
>
> Al Beano: Arabic newspaper featuring kids' comics and works outings to the
> seaside.

Beano: No apines!

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40EB8B5D.DB4301D2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Reduce: The tennis game is tied again.
> >
> > Reduce: Mussolini is back in power.
> >
> > Subtract: A train underwater.
> >
> > Duction: The process of becoming a duck.
> >
> > Conduct: Against ducks.
> >
> > Conduction: Against becoming a duck.
> >
> > Reduction: To become a duck again.
> >
> > Subtraction: How a sub pushes off against the ground.
> >
> > Duct Tape: Used to tape together broken ducks.
> >
> > Duct Tape: Recording of duck calls.
>
> Duct Tape: Primate in charge of running cables within trunking.
>
> Trunking: Elephant monarch.

Horsing: An equine singer or a singer with a cold.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41BBBC12.9DDDE516@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
> >
> > > So then Larry Krzewinski said:
> > > >
> > > >>>>So then Alan reirritated:
> > > >>>>>>Bib Likkle chant: (repeat...): "Noah. Ana. Siam."
> > > >>>>>I learned that one as "Ohwah. Tagoo. Siam.
> > > >>>>I like your version for young people like Mos.
> > > >>>Mos might like "What kind of tool am I?"
> > > >>He's an empty shell where an empty fart must dwell?
> > > >
> > > >Why can't I pass my gas like any other man?
> > > >And maybe then I'll kno' what kind of tool I am!
> > >
> > > You sing like Al Gyro.
> >
> > Gyrate: Price of a spinning top.
> >
> > Beaming: Happy Chinese vase.
> >
> > Creaming: Tasty vase.
> >
> > Seaming: Sewing machine vase.
> >
> > Steaming: Hot vase.
> >
> > Storming: Rainy vase.
>
> A vase for keeping grain etc. in would have been better - and drier if you
> didn't want the grain to rot.
>
> Birmingham: City in the North of England with terrible architecture and a
> high Chinese population.
>
> Birmingham Alabama: Town in the US that *had* a high Chinese population
> intil the Poo Putz Clan racists killed them all off!!

Birmingham: Chinese vase with cold pig meat.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4893F639.579FC8C3@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40EB8B5D.DB4301D2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Reduce: The tennis game is tied again.
> > > >
> > > > Reduce: Mussolini is back in power.
> > > >
> > > > Subtract: A train underwater.
> > > >
> > > > Duction: The process of becoming a duck.
> > > >
> > > > Conduct: Against ducks.
> > > >
> > > > Conduction: Against becoming a duck.
> > > >
> > > > Reduction: To become a duck again.
> > > >
> > > > Subtraction: How a sub pushes off against the ground.
> > > >
> > > > Duct Tape: Used to tape together broken ducks.
> > > >
> > > > Duct Tape: Recording of duck calls.
> > >
> > > Duct Tape: Primate in charge of running cables within trunking.
> > >
> > > Trunking: Elephant monarch.
> >
> > Horsing: An equine singer or a singer with a cold.
>
> A singer with a cold what? A cold vibrato?

Horsing: Singing sex worker.