Re: 03/04/05 Puns

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:450519F8.58CDEB64@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Buffy: Price of slaying vampires in the nude.
> >
> > Razor: Knight of shaving.
> >
> > Laser: Knight of light beams.
> >
> > Target: Get more tar!
>
> Don't go down Old Compton Street for it or you might get your asphalt!

Compton: Heavy computer.

Complex: An apartment of computers.

 

140 days since April 24.

 

"Douglas D. Anderson" wrote:

> nemo wrote:
> > "ah" <splifingate@gmail.com> wrote in message
> > news:44a469e8$0$544$8f2e0ebb@news.shared-secrets.com...
> >
> >>Tim Bruening wrote:
> >>
> >>>nemo wrote:
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>>"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >>>>news:4372B178.DCEA1C44@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >>>>
> >>>>>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>>On 28 Apr 2004 13:38:18 -0500, "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I"
> >>>>>><tonworthyCLOTHES@SexMagnet.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>She says she told Milt so?
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>Does she ever! You should hear what else she tells him. Why,
> >
> > if I
> >
> >>>>>>>>>wasn't pledged to secrecy I could give you all the juicy
> >
> > tidbits.
> >
> >>>>>>>>Imagine my dismay at not being privy to such details.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Don't worry. I'll never tell how "M" calls and asks what
> >>>>>>>turns guys on so, you know, they can...well I can't go into
> >>>>>>>detail. Evidently, those "Girls Gone ____" (I can't divulge
> >>>>>>>what here) tapes aren't doing the trick any more.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>Hey, I'm over 50. Now a days when she asks me if I want to go
> >>>>>>upstairs and have sex I tell her to pick one or the other since I
> >>>>>>can't do both.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Get an elevator.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Ella Vader: Sister of Darth Vader.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Evader: Darth on the Internet.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Invader: Darth being sodemized.
> >>>>
> >>>>It's 'sodomised,' after the Sodomites from Biblical town of Sodom, most
> >
> > of
> >
> >>>>whose activities can now be seen on many binary newsgroups!
> >>>
> >>>They were fried not for engaging in homosexual activities, but for
> >
> > trying to
> >
> >>>rape two angels!
> >>>
> >>
> >>You'll not be warned again.
> >>--
> >>ah
> >
> >
> > Bisto!
> >
> > http://im.edirectory.co.uk/products/1995/i/rp01.jpg
> >
> >
> Touching upon the story of Lot in Sodom, the reason the Lord passed
> judgment on Sodom was the general sexual wickedness. When the men
> of Sodom pressed around Lot's house they believed the two angels to
> be ordinary men, and pleaded with Lot to turn the two out so that
> they might "know them". That wasn't the cause of Sodom's destruction,
> but more like the last straw. Sodom was already tagged and the two
> angels were there to warn Lot to get out, according to a deal made
> by Abraham that if there were any righteous men in Sodom the city
> should be saved. Finding only one righteous man, Lot, the Lord found
> it simpler to evacuate him and proceed. In Deuteronomy, the word
> "Sodomite" is already used to specifically mean a male homosexual.
> The world poofter consensus argues ignorantly the bible refers to
> ritual homosexuality and temple ho's, yet how does this explain the
> desire of the common men of Sodom and their desire to "know" the
> two men visiting Lot? Nothing "ritual" about that at all, more like
> death by Roo Roo.

Lot wasn't the only man God tried to save. Lot warned his sons in law
to
leave, but they thought he was joking.

 

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 21:43:23 -0500, "Kathy" <tnktachuk@cogeco.ca> found
these
> unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"J. A. Mc." <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >news:73gf40tlcem1842nqsg8bqa7ib15l627oc@4ax.com...
> >> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:47:15 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >> <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
about:
> >>
> >> >J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >> >> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 16:37:13 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >> >> <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
about:
> >> >>
> >> >>> Kathy wrote:
> >> >>>> "Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message

> >> >>>> news:20040303194805.040219c6@WizardsTower...
> >> >>>>> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 11:44:15 +1030
> >> >>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >> >>>>>
> >> >>>>>> artyw wrote:
> >> >>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
message
> >> >>>>>>> news:<4045b98c$0$12760$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au>...
> >> >>>>>>>> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me to
do in
> >> >>>>>>>> bed is grown and mown. :-(
> >> >>>>>>>
> >> >>>>>>> Do you get plowed first?
> >> >>>>>>
> >> >>>>>> Why do you ask..are you a rake?
> >> >>>>>>
> >> >>>>> Is this how you gals plan t'ings?
> >> >>>>>
> >> >>>> I think she is attempting a seeduction here.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> I thought weed already agreed you wood knot interfere!
> >> >>>
> >> >> That's a scythe of relief.
> >> >
> >> >I wish someone would stem these commie posts!!
> >> >
> >> Jest keep hammering at 'em. (gittin' late Moscow now.)
> >
> >Sounds like a bit of Red eye to me.
> >
> 20 hours, 1159 miles - yep I'm red-eye for bed.

Before that comes the Red D and the Brown E.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4283E40C.25D695AF@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Kathy wrote:
> >
> > > "Buffalo Chilkat" <mammal@watering.hole> wrote in message
> > > news:3ggorvsdr7n6uuh45srdf2vm5gtqf0c30c@4ax.com...
> > > > Kathy wrote:
> > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >"nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > > >news:MCPub.27404$qu.7789@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > > >>
> > > > >> fredmiller@the.PC ?Z <FRED609@webtv.net> wrote in message
> > > > >>
> news:1660-3FBB0A8B-487@storefull-2375.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> > > > >> > nemo@naughtylass2.wet (nemo) wrote :
> > > > >> >
> > > > >> > Old MacDonald was dyslexic - E O I O E
> > > > >> > (Billy Colony)
> > > > >> >
> > > > >> > Silly burger!
> > > > >> >
> > > > >> > Nemo
> > > > >> >
> > > > >> > Silly AND stale old burger. You want flies with that ?
> > > > >> >
> > > > >> Don't tell me they've started doing Eccles Cake Burgers!
> > > > >>
> > > > >Nah, they merely signed the Maggot ? laCarta.
> > > >
> > > > That was a real quiller.
> > > >
> > > 'Twas a scroll in the park.
> >
> > Scroll Ling: Ancient Chinese document.
>
> Dead C Scrolls: Ancient documents from the future about a long-defunct
>
> computer programming language.

Defunct: Obsolete demon.

 

"Elisabeth M?ller" wrote:

> On Mon, 22 Mar 2004 23:25:08 GMT, Keith E. <i.m.knot@aol.com> wrote:
>
> >I can pop a nut with a five second freebie
>
> Does it hurt much?

Freebie: Bee out of jail.

 

Surcharge: A knight on credit.

Surcharge: Surfing the waves on a credit card.

Surcharge: An electrical knight.

 

Pentax: A tax on reporters' writing instruments.

Servile: A lab scientist knight.

Servile: A very nasty knight.

Sintax: A tax on, well - you know, "Thingy!"

Pentax: A tax for time spent in the slammer

Surtax: A very well paid knight.

Surplus: A knight who really adds up!

Multiple personality knight: Sir Jekyll.

 

On Wed, 7 Dec 2005 23:06:21 +1100, "Rick in Oz" <ozbadcat@h*tmail.com>
wrote:

>http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/entertainment/115332004.htm
>
>Heath Ledgers Interview Horror
>December 7, 2005, 6:52:46
>
>HEATH LEDGER'S EMBARRASSED OVER AUSSIE TV INTERVIEW
>
>Actor HEATH LEDGER has paid tribute to his fellow Australians, for keeping
>his ego in check.
>
>The BROTHERS GRIMM star hit the headlines in August (05) when he refused to
>answer questions and focused on a peeling an orange on Aussie TV show
>SUNRISE.
>
>After interviewer KATHERINE TULICH dubbed the actor her "number one worst
>interview" subject ever, he wrote to apologise.
>
>He says, "It was the worst thing I could have done. When it was aired they
>had people calling in asking, 'Who does he think he is? He's not NICOLE
>KIDMAN, he should get off his high horse.'
>
>"Then the next day, they had oranges on the show and were chucking them
>around, saying I could stick an orange up my... you know what.
>
>"So I wrote a letter of apology, explaining I was doing a lot of
>back-to-back TV interviews that day and just reached for some fruit. I had
>them read it out on air.
>
>"I went from zero to hero. The audience reaction was, 'That nice Heath must
>have a good family, and he is well brought up. We love him - isn't he a
>great actor?'
>
>"Australians are the world's greatest at cutting you down to size, and I'd
>better not forget it. I just have to remember not to take myself too
>seriously."

Also remember not to overdose, oops too late

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:433A3ECE.8764025F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > B-2: Bomber bee.
> >
> > B-4: A bee in front.
> >
> > B-9: Kind bee.
> >
> > B-10: Defeated bee.
> >
> > B-12: Very strong bee.
> >
> > Bedevil: Bee in Hell.
> >
> > Before: Bee #4.
> >
> > Befoul: Dirty bee.
> >
> > Befowl: Bird-bee.
> >
> > Behind: A bee-deer crossbreed in back.
>
> Beatable: Four-legged platform what they eat their honey from off of.

Bejabber: Apine sword.

 

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Tue, 9 Nov 2004 00:27:53 -0000, "Raphael Kearns"
> <raphael@kearns.fsnet.co.uk> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"nemo" <nemo@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> >news:jX8gd.59654$i02.17236@fe1.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >> CCTV: A channel than only shows gay programmes.
> >>
> >>
> >GUMTV: A channel which outlines pitfalls of unprotected sex.
> >
> WEB-TV: Spidey's home!

ABC: One apine TV network.

BBC: Another apine network.

CBS: Oceanic TV.

ESPN: Telepathic TV.

TNT: Dynamite TV.

 

135 days since May Day.

 

165 days to Ash Wednesday on February 25.

 

18 days since Women's Suffrage Day on August 26.

 

20 days to German Reunification Day on October 3.

 

320 days to Neville Longbottom's birthday on July 30.

 

45 days since Neville Longbottom's birthday on July 30.

 

75 days since June 30.

 

Hymen: Males after smoking pot

Hygene: Hello to DNA.

Hybrid: Hello to Wonder Bread.

Rusty Bedsprings by I P Nightly.

Babies Revenge by Nora Titoff.

 

Stalemate: Why people commit adultery.

Adultery: An acorn, all grown up.

Infantry: A newly planted sapling

Treason: A male sapling.

Sophistry: A tree with a built in seat.

Idolatry: To worship a forest.

Forest: In favor of holidays from work.

Telemetry: "An Ash, an Oak, a Pine, a Birch, an Elder ... ", said the
teacher woodenly.