Re: 03/04/05 Puns

45 days to November 14.

 

75 days to December 14.

 

75 days since July 17.

 

85 days since 7/7.

 

90 days since July 2.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E21D9F.E664AF2A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4430C7FD.3B82BFE2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:41930A1E.CD165321@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > news:4191B108.7E8F9C86@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > Compeer: Computer colleague.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Compel: Charismatic computer.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Compete: Computer that likes to race.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Competition: Computer political activist.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Compose: A robot standing in a silly way.
> > > > >
> > > > > Compose: Computer poetry
> > > > >
> > > > Robots write poems in HEX,
> > > > While standing on big metal legs.
> > > > The long stream of bits,
> > > > Can get on your tits
> > > > Till you plug up your ears with some pegs!
> > > >
> > > > Boom Boom!
> > >
> > > Do witches write in HEX also?
> > >
> > > Hexing: Singing witches.
> >
> > An Iraqi witch got blown up by a time bomb when she took to the air one
> > night. She failed to hear her broom's tick!
>
> I shudder to imagine what would happen if magicians got involved in the
> Iraqi insurgency!
>
> Time Bomb: Bomb that blows you into next week.

Time Bum: A very unusual place to wear a whistwatch.

Semi-Lally . .

Ey sey, Ey sey, Ey sey! How do you ask a man with no legs and no arms what
the time is?

"Got the time on yer, cock?"

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E21E07.6CAB89E4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:41930A1E.CD165321@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:4191B108.7E8F9C86@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > Compeer: Computer colleague.
> > > > >
> > > > > Compel: Charismatic computer.
> > > > >
> > > > > Compete: Computer that likes to race.
> > > > >
> > > > > Competition: Computer political activist.
> > > >
> > > > Compose: A robot standing in a silly way.
> > >
> > > Compose: Computer poetry
> > >
> > Robots write poems in HEX,
> > While standing on big metal legs.
> > The long stream of bits,
> > Can get on your tits
> > Till you plug up your ears with some pegs!
> >
> > Boom Boom!
>
> Do witches write in HEX also?
>
> Hexing: Singing witches.

Not robots then? Pity.

You never hear about male witches singing. Still - ice up hose (brrr!) they
howl a bit when they get kicked in the warlocks!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E21E0A.EF97DB7B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:433E0946.81757C21@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > >
> > > > On 28 Apr 2004 13:38:18 -0500, "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I"
> > > > <tonworthyCLOTHES@SexMagnet.com> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > >>>> She says she told Milt so?
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>> Does she ever! You should hear what else she tells him. Why,
if I
> > > > >>> wasn't pledged to secrecy I could give you all the juicy
tidbits.
> > > > >>
> > > > >>Imagine my dismay at not being privy to such details.
> > > > >
> > > > >Don't worry. I'll never tell how "M" calls and asks what
> > > > >turns guys on so, you know, they can...well I can't go into
> > > > >detail. Evidently, those "Girls Gone ____" (I can't divulge
> > > > >what here) tapes aren't doing the trick any more.
> > > >
> > > > Hey, I'm over 50. Now a days when she asks me if I want to go
> > > > upstairs and have sex I tell her to pick one or the other since I
> > > > can't do both.
> > >
> > > Get an elevator.
> > >
> > > Ella Vader: Sister of Darth Vader.
> > >
> > > Evader: Darth on the Internet.
> > >
> > > Invader: Darth being sodemized.
> >
> > Vader and Onion: Darth being curried!
>
> I'm Luke warm on that one.

Even when it was Luke warm, in the Mandeer restaurant, it was very tasty
indeed - and expensive.

Mandeer?? Yers. They used to serve anybody.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E21E22.90F07008@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4155CFCC.2937F2ED@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:4041E45F.FE7DDE65@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > Beechwood: Sandy trees.
> > > > >
> > > > > Box Elder: What they made gramps casket out of.
> > > > >
> > > > > Karl Marx Roses: First Red Roses.
> > > > >
> > > > > Redwood: Very tall trees much loved by environmentalists.
> > > > >
> > > > > Readwood: A book.
> > > > >
> > > > > Statice: Very high ranking flowers.
> > > > >
> > > > > Sycamore: Don't want another bite.
> > > > >
> > > > > Sycamore: What Valerie Harper said about reuniting with Mary
Tyler
> > > > > Moore.
> > > >
> > > > Hornbeam: Wife's expression when she sees the results of her husband
> > taking
> > > > Viagra!
> > >
> > > Hawthorne: Laughing prickly plants.
> > >
> > > Mulberry: A berry on which kids see all sorts of weird animals.
> >
> > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mul
> >
> > The things some peep hole use their PCs for!
> >
> > It was also a prefabricated WW2 harbour used during the D-day landings -
and
> > British, d'ya hear? BRITISH!!!
>
> Briton: 2,000 pound inhabitant of Great Britain.

Cyril Smith MP rides again!

[puts foot in Golden Stirrup] . . Hup!

Splattt!

YUK! Get eem a stronger horse! Not a Hafflinger this time. A Whole-linger he
needs already!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48D49290.8536FB8E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:3F9196EE.891B7EF2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Orkin: Children of mineral bearing rocks.
> > >
> > Baring straits - non-gay strippers.
>
> How about a Baring Strait Jacket?

OK. I give up. How *about* a Baring Strait Jacket?

 

240 days since 02/05/08.

 

Stan Kegel wrote:

> Phil Hudson wrote:
> >
> > "Stan Kegel" <kegel@fea.net> wrote in message
> > news:3BB4A7E7.3F5A9CD9@fea.net...
> > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Phil Hudson wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:3BAFDB0F.A4A90F35@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Phil Hudson wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > "Steve Jacobson" <stevej@jjworld.com> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:g8urqtknegqj8i8snffb71allagvsf6m5p@4ax.com...
> > > > > > > On Sat, 22 Sep 2001 21:22:38 -0500, "Dennis M. Hammes"
> > > > > > > <scrawlmark@ideaone.net>
> > > > > > > put together some random words that came up with:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > > > > >> Phil Hudson wrote:
> > > > > > > >> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in
> > message
> > > > > > > >> > news:3BA9849F.C1B653C9@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > >> > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > > > > >> > >
> > > > > > > >> > > > Confirm: A criminal enterprise.
> > > > > > > >> > > > Confront: A criminal money laundering enterprise.
> > > > > > > >> > > > Conrad: Against radioactive substances in our homes.
> > > > > > > >> > > > Format: In favor of floor coverings.
> > > > > > > >> > > > Forum: In favor of Bircardi.
> > > > > > > >> > > > Profound: We found an expert!
> > > > > > > >> > > > Propane: In favor of torture.
> > > > > > > >> > > > Propane: In favor of windows.
> > > > > > > >> > > Proceed: In support of agriculture.
> > > > > > > >> > Consolidate - Cyber-dating a fraud, using a Dreamcast.
> > > > > > > >> > Condensate - To commit fraud against an octet of stupid
> > people.
> > > > > > > >> > Contractor - Getaway vehicle. Also used for conceeding.
> > > > > > > >> > Formulate - Supporting someone who has eaten a donkey.
> > > > > > > >> > Forking - A Royal approval.
> > > > > > > >> > Forcing - In favour of karaoke.
> > > > > > > >> > Profile - For Manicure.
> > > > > > > >> Concrete: Against a Greek/Turkish island.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >Consecrate: to fool a shipping container.
> > > > > > > >Convoluted: a line of empty trucks.
> > > > > > > >Conundrum: one of a pair of drums
> > > > > > > > used to call a Buddhist convent to prayer.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > We interrupt this listing for a Bartosh:
> > > > > > > > Isaac Stern, d. 22 Sep 01, ca. 9pm, in NYC.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Propane: A professional troublemaker.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Configuration - To limit the amount of food a prisoner eats, in
> > order to
> > > > > get
> > > > > > > into better shape.
> > > > > > > Contest - Cheating in the exam, opposite of Protest.
> > > > > > > Congo - Prison escape (through the convent?)
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Protest: Favoring national testing of teachers.
> > > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Contact - Pinning down criminals
> > > >
> > > > Conspire: Against sweat.
> > > >
> > > > Can you see down this far, Stan Kegal?
> > >
> > > Probably on geese but ducks are usually too small. (s. k.)
> >
> > I thought you'd be able to see feather than that...
> >
> That's your o pinion

Bacon: A criminal in San Francisco.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4305869C.1B3C0189@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > During WW2, a lot of chickens escaped from a chicken farm when a German
> > > fighter plane dived down and riddled all the chicken coops and sheds
> with
> > > pullet holes!
> > >
> > > (One nobody's done yet!)
> >
> > Egg-actly how many chickens escaped?
>
> 274?

How do you get half a chicken?

 

mike wheeEler wrote:

In article <3F938A65.84E99108@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world
oddly when:
>
>
>
>nemo wrote:
>
>> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
>> news:3F9196EE.891B7EF2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>> > Orkin: Children of mineral bearing rocks.
>> >
>> Baring straits - non-gay strippers.
>
>Denmark: Nation of bedrooms full of German currency.
>
When you go on vacation there, make your reservations,
Denmark dat spot on yer calander..

Vacating: Bell that leaves.

 

Stan Kegel wrote:

> SPECIALTY PUNS OF THE WEAK 02-25-04

> Preceding: the period of time before Hong-Kong's lease expired. (Jason
Dias)

Honking: King of the car horn.

Honker: Very loud dog.

Konking: King of the giant ape.

Konker: Giant ape-dog.

> MONDEGREENS
>
> Will you need me, will you still feed me, when I'm six feet four? (...
when
> I'm sixty-four) The Beatles "When I'm Sixty-Four" (Gavin Edwards)
>
> There's a bathroom on the right. ( There's a bad moon on the rise)
..The
> Credence Clearwater Revival "There's a bad moon a risin'": (Jason
Dias)
>
> It's a hard egg (It's a heartache) Bonnie Taylor "It's a Heartache"
(Gavin Edwards)
>
> You need Kool-Aid, baby I'm not foolin' (You need coolin', baby I'm
not
> foolin') Led Zeppelin "Whole Lotta Love" (Gavin Edwards)
>
> Clown Control to Mao Tse-Tung (Ground control to Major Tom) David
Bowie
> "Space Oddity" (Gavin Edwards)
>
> I want to rock 'n roll all night, and part of every day (I want to
rock 'n
> roll all night, and party every day) Kiss "Rock and Roll All Nite"
(Gavin Edwards)

Knight of the water Communist (Knight of the woeful countenance) Don
Quixote.

Power To The Fever (Power To The People).

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:417D6851.3C53D7AF@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Foreplay: In favor of recreation.
> >
> > Foreshadow: In favor of shade.
> >
> > Parting: Musical golf course.
>
> Fornication: In favour of an Indian gentleman called Nicholas.

Bypath: Road for people who bone both genders.

 

cohen.izzy@gmail.com wrote:

> > So there is an official state of war between the Seminoles and the U.S.?
>
> Yes. But it seems this has not prevented US government approval for 4
> Seminole-owned casinos. See:
>
> http://www.sptimes.com/News2/seminolegambling/dayone/main.html
>
> After being rejected by the Peace Corps, I received an offer from
> Vista, the US domestic equivalent of the Peace Corps, to be an
> "official representative of the US government" to a small Indian tribe
> in Arkansas. I did not accept the offer.

That small tribe is a nation?

 

290 days to Lunar Landing Day on July 20.

 

25 days to October 28.

 

260 days since January 17.