Re: 03/04/05 Puns

85 days to December 27.

 

90 days since July 5.

 

95 days to January 6.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:45138DD6.D37D7D22@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41D503DA.5D32A6B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Nicer: Nice knight.
> > > >
> > > > Nicety: Kind tea.
> > > >
> > > > Nicking: King of thieves.
> > > >
> > > > Nifty: Neat tea.
> > > >
> > > > Ninety: Tea that multiplies by 9.
> > >
> > > Nonet: The state of nine foul-smelling musical teacakes.
> >
> > Pretending: 9 bells.
> >
> > Tending: 10 bells.
>
> Tendency: Surgion having a look at the sinews connecting bone and muscle.
>
> > Postending: 11 bells.
> >
> > Asinine: 9 evil donkeys.

Attendance: A dance with 10 people.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:45E7E196.2D592E76@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:44141A10.BBA5B49@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > Stubble: Male bovine with a small beard.
> > > >
> > > > Stumble: A male bovine trips.
> > > >
> > > > Topic: Top of a photo.
> > > >
> > > > Tumble: Stomach of a male bovine.
> > > >
> > > > Wanton: 2,000 pound Chinese.
> > > >
> > > > Warble: Aggressive male bovine.
> > > >
> > > > Wobble: Shaky male bovine.
> > >
> > > . . or a sad one.
> > >
> > > Piece of paper you can easily get hold of where he's written down how he
> > > feels: 'Oy Vay' Lable.
> >
> > ED: Impotent demon.
>
> ED Ummin: Smelly African dick tater.

Uganda: Father of Ugan.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:425A2182.A0E01391@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Bill Baker wrote:
> >
> > > From message IDs:
> > > news:bQttb.9574$rV.8536@bignews5.bellsouth.net
> > > and:
> > > news:7908c278.0311151949.4b02bd05@posting.google.com
> > >
> > > >> Who wants dirty birds fluttering around in the house? They'll give
> you
> > > >> canarial diseases.
> > > >
> > > > Canarial diseases, lol, like chirpees?
> > >
> > > Yes! Do you know it's untweetable!
> >
> > Eagle: Sea bird on the Internet.
>
> Who told you an eagle was a sea bird? I didn't realise you were that
> gullible!

E-Gull, Sea Gull, Bee Gull.

 

Usenet Stats Poster wrote:

> NGStatistics: Newsgroup Statistics Program
> Version 1.1 (using News::Scan)
>
> Copyright (C) 2002 Neil Lombardo,
> Based on groupstat, Copyleft (C) 2000 H. Alex LaHurreau
> Based on StatNews, Copyleft (C) 1998 Davide G. M. Salvetti
>
> Newsgroup.................: demon.local
> Stats Were Taken..........: Fri, 12 Sep 2008 23:00:00 GMT
> Stats Begin...............: Fri, 05 Sep 2008 23:03:50 GMT
> Stats End.................: Fri, 12 Sep 2008 22:40:44 GMT
> Days......................: 7
> Total No. of Articles.....: 2247
> Total No. of Characters...: 7040131
> Total Volume..............: 6875
> Messages Per Day..........: 321.0
> Characters Per Day........: 1005733.0
> Average Daily Volume......: 982 kB
> Total Posters This Week...: 86
> Messages with Sigs........: 19.49%
> Sigs Over 4 Lines.........: 27.17%
> Original Content Rating...: 12.17%
>
> Top 500 Prolific Posters: Posts / Posts per Day / Percent Share
> ===============================================================
> 1. Tim Bruening......................................: 993 141.9 44.2%
> 2. Naked Gonad.......................................: 200 28.6 8.9%
> 3. Eli Grubman.......................................: 151 21.6 6.7%
> 4. Peter Hucker......................................: 136 19.4 6.1%
> 5. nemo..............................................: 126 18.0 5.6%
> 6. Poor Eli Grabmen is a Real Psychopath! LOL........: 124 17.7 5.5%
> 7. ah................................................: 116 16.6 5.2%
> 8. Wim Jay...........................................: 72 10.3 3.2%
> 9. honestjohn........................................: 35 5.0 1.6%
> 10. Paul {Hamilton Rooney}............................: 27 3.9 1.2%

Congratulations to the top ten posters in demon.local for the 7 days
ending
September 12.

 

Usenet Stats Poster wrote:

> NGStatistics: Newsgroup Statistics Program
> Version 1.1 (using News::Scan)
>
> Copyright (C) 2002 Neil Lombardo,
> Based on groupstat, Copyleft (C) 2000 H. Alex LaHurreau
> Based on StatNews, Copyleft (C) 1998 Davide G. M. Salvetti
>
> Newsgroup.................: demon.local
> Stats Were Taken..........: Fri, 19 Sep 2008 23:00:00 GMT
> Stats Begin...............: Fri, 12 Sep 2008 23:00:03 GMT
> Stats End.................: Fri, 19 Sep 2008 22:50:47 GMT
> Days......................: 7
> Total No. of Articles.....: 1314
> Total No. of Characters...: 3697063
> Total Volume..............: 3610
> Messages Per Day..........: 187.7
> Characters Per Day........: 528151.9
> Average Daily Volume......: 515 kB
> Total Posters This Week...: 59
> Messages with Sigs........: 25.34%
> Sigs Over 4 Lines.........: 18.32%
> Original Content Rating...: 13.21%
>
> Top 500 Prolific Posters: Posts / Posts per Day / Percent Share
> ===============================================================
> 1. Tim Bruening......................................: 638 91.1 48.6%
> 2. Wim Jay...........................................: 127 18.1 9.7%
> 3. Naked Gonad.......................................: 123 17.6 9.4%
> 4. ah................................................: 93 13.3 7.1%
> 5. Peter Hucker......................................: 42 6.0 3.2%
> 6. honestjohn........................................: 40 5.7 3.0%
> 7. joblard...........................................: 25 3.6 1.9%
> 8. Aratzio...........................................: 22 3.1 1.7%
> 9. Official Chung Demon..............................: 21 3.0 1.6%
> 10. Paul {Hamilton Rooney}............................: 18 2.6 1.4%

Congratulations to the top ten posters in demon.local for the week ending
September 19.

 

85 days since 7-11.

 

225 days since Washington's birthday on February 22.

 

65 days to Immaculate Conception Day on December 8.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E49EEF.30F386C4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> mike wheeEler wrote:
>
> In article <3F938A65.84E99108@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world
> oddly when:
> >
> >
> >
> >nemo wrote:
> >
> >> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >> news:3F9196EE.891B7EF2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >> > Orkin: Children of mineral bearing rocks.
> >> >
> >> Baring straits - non-gay strippers.
> >
> >Denmark: Nation of bedrooms full of German currency.
> >
> When you go on vacation there, make your reservations,
> Denmark dat spot on yer calander..
>
> Vacating: Bell that leaves.

Good. That'll stop the damned noise!

Detective series on UK ITV: No Hiding Place.

No Hiding Place: The church tower complete with belfry has fallen down!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E7147E.4DFDCB0D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:45138DD6.D37D7D22@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:41D503DA.5D32A6B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > Nicer: Nice knight.
> > > > >
> > > > > Nicety: Kind tea.
> > > > >
> > > > > Nicking: King of thieves.
> > > > >
> > > > > Nifty: Neat tea.
> > > > >
> > > > > Ninety: Tea that multiplies by 9.
> > > >
> > > > Nonet: The state of nine foul-smelling musical teacakes.
> > >
> > > Pretending: 9 bells.
> > >
> > > Tending: 10 bells.
> >
> > Tendency: Surgion having a look at the sinews connecting bone and
muscle.
> >
> > > Postending: 11 bells.
> > >
> > > Asinine: 9 evil donkeys.
>
> Attendance: A dance with 10 people.

Oxtrot: A dance for 10 very heavy people!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E7147E.4DFDCB0D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:45138DD6.D37D7D22@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:41D503DA.5D32A6B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > Nicer: Nice knight.
> > > > >
> > > > > Nicety: Kind tea.
> > > > >
> > > > > Nicking: King of thieves.
> > > > >
> > > > > Nifty: Neat tea.
> > > > >
> > > > > Ninety: Tea that multiplies by 9.
> > > >
> > > > Nonet: The state of nine foul-smelling musical teacakes.
> > >
> > > Pretending: 9 bells.
> > >
> > > Tending: 10 bells.
> >
> > Tendency: Surgion having a look at the sinews connecting bone and
muscle.
> >
> > > Postending: 11 bells.
> > >
> > > Asinine: 9 evil donkeys.
>
> Attendance: A dance with 10 people.

Attendunce: A dance with 10 thick idiots!.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E71591.8818CB0D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:45E7E196.2D592E76@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:44141A10.BBA5B49@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > > Stubble: Male bovine with a small beard.
> > > > >
> > > > > Stumble: A male bovine trips.
> > > > >
> > > > > Topic: Top of a photo.
> > > > >
> > > > > Tumble: Stomach of a male bovine.
> > > > >
> > > > > Wanton: 2,000 pound Chinese.

It's all that 20cwt soup he keeps drinking!

> > > > >
> > > > > Warble: Aggressive male bovine.
> > > > >
> > > > > Wobble: Shaky male bovine.
> > > >
> > > > . . or a sad one.
> > > >
> > > > Piece of paper you can easily get hold of where he's written down
how he
> > > > feels: 'Oy Vay' Lable.
> > >
> > > ED: Impotent demon.
> >
> > ED Ummin: Smelly African dick tater.
>
> Uganda: Father of Ugan.

Ugoose: Mother of Ugan.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E719C7.7577772B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:425A2182.A0E01391@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > Bill Baker wrote:
> > >
> > > > From message IDs:
> > > > news:bQttb.9574$rV.8536@bignews5.bellsouth.net
> > > > and:
> > > > news:7908c278.0311151949.4b02bd05@posting.google.com
> > > >
> > > > >> Who wants dirty birds fluttering around in the house? They'll
give
> > you
> > > > >> canarial diseases.
> > > > >
> > > > > Canarial diseases, lol, like chirpees?
> > > >
> > > > Yes! Do you know it's untweetable!
> > >
> > > Eagle: Sea bird on the Internet.
> >
> > Who told you an eagle was a sea bird? I didn't realise you were that
> > gullible!
>
> E-Gull, Sea Gull, Bee Gull.

Sea Gull? Wasn't he in Under Cj?

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48C9E80C.F800B642@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:450519F8.58CDEB64@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > Buffy: Price of slaying vampires in the nude.
> > >
> > > Razor: Knight of shaving.
> > >
> > > Laser: Knight of light beams.
> > >
> > > Target: Get more tar!
> >
> > Don't go down Old Compton Street for it or you might get your asphalt!
>
> Compton: Heavy computer.
>
> Complex: An apartment of computers.

Made from that very light metal, condominium?

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E49E37.E80EA9E5@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> Stan Kegel wrote:
>
> > Phil Hudson wrote:
> > >
> > > "Stan Kegel" <kegel@fea.net> wrote in message
> > > news:3BB4A7E7.3F5A9CD9@fea.net...
> > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > Phil Hudson wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > news:3BAFDB0F.A4A90F35@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Phil Hudson wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > "Steve Jacobson" <stevej@jjworld.com> wrote in message
> > > > > > > > news:g8urqtknegqj8i8snffb71allagvsf6m5p@4ax.com...
> > > > > > > > On Sat, 22 Sep 2001 21:22:38 -0500, "Dennis M. Hammes"
> > > > > > > > <scrawlmark@ideaone.net>
> > > > > > > > put together some random words that came up with:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > >Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > > > > > >> Phil Hudson wrote:
> > > > > > > > >> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in
> > > message
> > > > > > > > >> > news:3BA9849F.C1B653C9@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > > >> > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > > > > > >> > >
> > > > > > > > >> > > > Confirm: A criminal enterprise.
> > > > > > > > >> > > > Confront: A criminal money laundering enterprise.
> > > > > > > > >> > > > Conrad: Against radioactive substances in our
homes.
> > > > > > > > >> > > > Format: In favor of floor coverings.
> > > > > > > > >> > > > Forum: In favor of Bircardi.
> > > > > > > > >> > > > Profound: We found an expert!
> > > > > > > > >> > > > Propane: In favor of torture.
> > > > > > > > >> > > > Propane: In favor of windows.
> > > > > > > > >> > > Proceed: In support of agriculture.
> > > > > > > > >> > Consolidate - Cyber-dating a fraud, using a Dreamcast.
> > > > > > > > >> > Condensate - To commit fraud against an octet of stupid
> > > people.
> > > > > > > > >> > Contractor - Getaway vehicle. Also used for
conceeding.
> > > > > > > > >> > Formulate - Supporting someone who has eaten a donkey.
> > > > > > > > >> > Forking - A Royal approval.
> > > > > > > > >> > Forcing - In favour of karaoke.
> > > > > > > > >> > Profile - For Manicure.
> > > > > > > > >> Concrete: Against a Greek/Turkish island.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > >Consecrate: to fool a shipping container.
> > > > > > > > >Convoluted: a line of empty trucks.
> > > > > > > > >Conundrum: one of a pair of drums
> > > > > > > > > used to call a Buddhist convent to prayer.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > We interrupt this listing for a Bartosh:
> > > > > > > > > Isaac Stern, d. 22 Sep 01, ca. 9pm, in NYC.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Propane: A professional troublemaker.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Configuration - To limit the amount of food a prisoner eats,
in
> > > order to
> > > > > > get
> > > > > > > > into better shape.
> > > > > > > > Contest - Cheating in the exam, opposite of Protest.
> > > > > > > > Congo - Prison escape (through the convent?)
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Protest: Favoring national testing of teachers.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Contact - Pinning down criminals
> > > > >
> > > > > Conspire: Against sweat.
> > > > >
> > > > > Can you see down this far, Stan Kegal?
> > > >
> > > > Probably on geese but ducks are usually too small. (s. k.)
> > >
> > > I thought you'd be able to see feather than that...
> > >
> > That's your o pinion
>
> Bacon: A criminal in San Francisco.

Crispy Bacon: Him after getting caught in one of the fires which resulted
from the earthquake all those years ago.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E49F0F.AA22EA5F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> Stan Kegel wrote:
>
> > SPECIALTY PUNS OF THE WEAK 02-25-04
>
> > Preceding: the period of time before Hong-Kong's lease expired. (Jason
> Dias)
>
> Honking: King of the car horn.
>
> Honker: Very loud dog.
>
> Konking: King of the giant ape.
>
> Konker: Giant ape-dog.
>
> > MONDEGREENS
> >
> > Will you need me, will you still feed me, when I'm six feet four? (...
> when
> > I'm sixty-four) The Beatles "When I'm Sixty-Four" (Gavin Edwards)
> >
> > There's a bathroom on the right. ( There's a bad moon on the rise)
> .The
> > Credence Clearwater Revival "There's a bad moon a risin'": (Jason
> Dias)
> >
> > It's a hard egg (It's a heartache) Bonnie Taylor "It's a Heartache"
> (Gavin Edwards)
> >
> > You need Kool-Aid, baby I'm not foolin' (You need coolin', baby I'm
> not
> > foolin') Led Zeppelin "Whole Lotta Love" (Gavin Edwards)
> >
> > Clown Control to Mao Tse-Tung (Ground control to Major Tom) David
> Bowie
> > "Space Oddity" (Gavin Edwards)
> >
> > I want to rock 'n roll all night, and part of every day (I want to
> rock 'n
> > roll all night, and party every day) Kiss "Rock and Roll All Nite"
> (Gavin Edwards)
>
> Knight of the water Communist (Knight of the woeful countenance) Don
> Quixote.
>
> Power To The Fever (Power To The People).

Hoi Polloi: Argumentative Polish people.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48BE200D.22A6A786@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:44ECBF01.67A54372@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:44EA1D92.998ECD21@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > news:44E93298.18B4EBCA@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Rowe Rickenbacker wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Miss Ann Thropy: a girl who doesn't like other people...
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > You joke, but I have a gothic friend who calls herself
that...
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Ann Archy: Very disorganized woman.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Phil O-Dendron: A plant man.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Hyde Rangers: A soccer team for gardeners.
> > > > >
> > > > > Why soccer?
> > > > >
> > > > I don't think I've ever seen the term 'Rangers' used in the title of
any
> > > > other kind of football team - not in the UK anyway. I don't know
about
> > over
> > > > there.
> > >
> > > Texas Rangers: Baseball team for gardeners in the President's state.
> > >
> > I fought they was lowmen of some sort - with very short legs!
>
> Why did you fight?

Coz they was dirty low-down bums!