WW3 has just begun, in a quiet suburb near London UK.....*sigh*

FW: For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. Things might get somewhat 'emotional' for you for a while (anger / disappointment / concern, through to excitement at the prospect of a new child in the family.) Of course, I suppose the two of them have to make a fundamental decision and they may ask for your input, which also could add to the overall stress of the situation.

Like you, I often wonder whether kids have any commmon sense these days. I know of (not in the Biblical sense) two young ladies in their early 20's who have 'become' pregnant, in the last 12 months. Neither couples took any precautions, or bothered with the 'morning after' medication - I guess it was the "it'll never happen to me / us" attitude.

I read some research a while ago which concluded that the adult brain is not fully functionally developed until about the age of 24. Apparently the last area to develop is part of a segment that assesses risk, which is one of the reasons some kids in their late teens / early twenties drive like maniacs and do other 'dangerous' things with little or no regard to the consequences. I believe it was published in "Nature", so it might be credible.

 

Well, as usual, it is the kids that always pay the price for the mistakes of their parents.

If it makes you feel any better, there was a story of a 10 year old girl giving birth a couple days ago with the daddy being 13, imagine how bad that could be.

Clearly this is a bad situation but I hope the new addition will be loved and not just tolerated as many children are these days.

Well Feckless, are you ready to be a granny?

 

Being a grandparent is sorta cool if you set up the right groundrules with your kids. You can spoil the sh!t out of the adorable little things and then send them home to mommy and daddy.

 

I love being a grandparent. The problem is you have no control on how the parent (your kid) raises the grandkid. It?s a helpless feeling when you see they aren?t doing a good job.

 

Presuming of course that they actually keep it.......

 

There is worse. This should really make you feel better... 11 year old giving birth where the 11 year olds mom is 22...
Congrats and condolences.

 

Wow, imagine starting out on life with that on your head, I hope they don't do that. While having a child now will be difficult and change their plans, I hate to see anyone burdoned with ending a life. Recent studies have shown that most women have depression issues much later in life after having an abortion so it is like paying a bad price later for a decision made today.


If they do this, make sure the girl gets lots of support, it will be messy.

Man, as a parent I am sure you want to knock some heads together, what do you do?

Are you trying to give advise or keeping your distance?

 

I've given her the facts on both sides of the argument. I have not however shared my own views on the subject with her as I would not want to have her in my face in 5 years time blaming me for whichever choice she makes. Whatever they choose I'll just be Mom...and supportive. However hard it bites. I've had that part of my life and had the chance to make my own choices, it's their time now.

 

How are the young lady's parents handling the situation? I hope they're providing support and advice, as well. My youngest daughter got pregnant and married the father. It was only a couple of years before they got divorced. The young man couldn't get a hang of being married and stuck with only one woman. He knew how to be a father (as evidenced by several children - by different mothers), but couldn't seem to understand how to be a "daddy".

 

...... and FW is clearly showing that she knows how to be both a Mother and "Mum".(IMHO)

 

She refuses to tell her parents yet. I have told her how hurt her mother is likely to feel when she eventually finds out, especially when she knows that others knew before her. Half of me really wants to call her mother and tell her....but .....it's not my place to do that.

What is amazing to me is the fact that yesterday I spent 4 hours in the ER with her ('morning sickness' spiralling out of control to the point of continual vomiting).....STILL she didn't want me to call her Mother, not even when she had a bad reaction to the initial anti-nausea drug they gave her. (*shudders at the memory*, I have always hated being around when others get sick...just one more of those yukky 'Mom' things you have to get over and pretend to be 'just fine' with....LOL).

The poor kid has clearly never been 'mothered' by the way she reacts to things and the way she behaves...but for goodness sake, she really SHOULD tell her mother before it gets to the point that she is wearing large tents instead of dresses!

From what I've seen and heard about the Mother, she's a perfectly reasonable woman.

 

Thank you Doug, that's nice.

 

I know if my daughter was prego my wife would be very upset if the fathers mom was helping instead of her. That's sad if this girl is afraid to tell her mom.

 

First of all, I would like to add my own respect to you FW, you seem to be a very rare woman, capable of both being supportive and informative without getting your personal views in the way of things, I tip my hat to you.

I completely agree but I also see FW's point, she is wanting to let the girl do the right thing but as with most young people, they hate to face what they feel ashamed of, so she will most likely keep putting it off until her mother finds out by accident, and that will hurt the mom a lot, I hope she can see past it.


Myself, I would tell the girl to tell her mom or I will. It may upset the girl but in the long run, there will be less mess now than if she lets it "slip" down the road. Parents sometimes need to be parents instead of friends and do the right thing, telling the mom is the right thing.

But, it is easy for me to say, I am not there.

Either way, my prayers go out to these two.


FW, how is your son taking this? Keeping his mouth shut?

 

I think I disagree with this. I love Feckless, and admire her immensely, but what is the point of having a lifetime of experience if you don't and won't share it with your kids (even if they are adult?)

I can see the point of not forcing these now thrust into adulthood children into doing what you want them to do, but isn't being a parent about guiding and leading your kids into healthy decisions? These two obviously aren't prepared to be making full grown adult decisions (shown by their lack of responsibility thusfar: the boy still living with the folks, and the girl not being able to tell her mom.) IMO, more guidance is needed- not just "Here's the facts, go do whatever you want."

And maybe you are doing more than that Feckless, but it didn't come across like that to me.

 

It is difficult for most of us to remember being that age but many times kids under this kid of pressure will do exactly the opposite of what their parents tell them to do.

Being informative is more then most kids this age will get because they feel like they cannot talk about this stuff with their parents, so they act in an uninformed way without ever telling them just to avoid the lecture.

This is called the school of hard knocks and why should FW drive them away by adding more pressure than is already there?


FW is making them feel comfortable to keep her involved by not putting more pressure on their backs and in that way, she can still keep them aware of all aspects of their decision, something that would be impossible if they did not feel comfortable with having her involved.

 

Feck is this your sons girlfriend? And this would be youre grandchild? You need to make her tell her mom and fast! You have to deal with her parents for the next 18 years. You dont want to start it by being deceitful. If the girlfriend wont tell you should. I mean the mom is gonna find out soon enough.

 

No offense to FW and her family, but this is starting to sound like a story line from East Enders.

 

He's saying very little, only that he would prefer her not to have the child. I just feel utterly ashamed that MY child could ever value human life so little. I clearly failed in teaching him that lesson.

 

Eddo, it's finding the line between guidance and swaying their decision. You know me well enough by now to know my views on human life and how repulsed I am feeling at the thought they may well choose to throw this little life away. How DARE they think they have the right to CHOOSE whether another PERSON lives or dies?? THEY made this person with full knowledge of the possible outcome of their 'moment of passion'....Had they had ANY doubts then the morning after pill is freely available. To wait until 11 weeks is inexcusable, I felt my first child moving at 12 weeks!

I cannot see HOW I can advise without letting my own opinions get in the way. Half of me wants to say to them for goodness sake HAVE the child and I will bring it up! But that would mean that the life Ad & I have built will change irrevocably.....which is selfishness on my part.

I just want to grab the pair of them and slap them silly. I can't sleep, I can't eat and it's breaking my heart to see what they are doing. It's made 100 times worse knowing that my best friend at work is desperate for a child but is so far unlucky.

You are right though (as per bloody usual )....time for a 'Mom chat'.